It's Not Easy Being the Captain
by Crusher66
Summary: Being a firefighter is dangerous work, being a female is even more difficult. As she navigates the paramedic program, relationships, and family matters, Captain Gage is going to have to navigate having a woman in his station. Nearly ten years at Captain, will he rise a rank or be back to riding the squad? What is he willing to risk for family?
1. Chapter 1:Beginnings

The alarm clock woke her from her pleasant dream. There she was on the stage and her father pinning her with her shiny, new LA County Firefighter badge. She smiled as she was able to relive one of the happiest days of her life while she slept. It wasn't an easy adventure to earn her badge as she had spent two months without speaking to her disapproving and worrisome father, moved in with a strange man who became her best friend, and dealt with sexual harassment of several firefighter trainees. All of that in addition to the physical training and tests to become certified, which was not an easy feat to complete on their own.

Her arms rose to the ceiling stretching her arms and back as she let out a loud yawn. After reaching as high as she could for a minute, she brought her arms down with her right hand going for the watch sitting on the oak night stand. She grabbed it and placed it on her left wrist. The covers were tossed aside as she got out of the bed. Her hands worked to smooth the white sheet on the bed and then she tossed the black comforter on top. As she walked down the hallway, she noticed that the couch was empty, the blanket was folded and a pillow was placed on top. The smell of bacon sizzling wafted through the air.

"Good morning Firefighter/Paramedic Trainee Desoto. I made you up some breakfast for your first day of class." He sat a plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon down at the breakfast bar. As Jennifer sat down, he poured a mug of coffee for her. It was more of half a mug of coffee and the other half a mixture of sugar and milk. He knew just how she liked it.

A big grin went on her face as David, her best friend and roommate, had used her new work title. "Thank you very much, Firefighter Dixon." The two have been using their titles to address each other the entire weekend and it still was not getting old. Both were equally excited of their achievements of graduating the fire academy on Saturday. Today was the first day of the paramedic training program for Jennifer Desoto and tomorrow would be David's first day as a firefighter at Station 51's B shift under Captain John Gage.

David sat down next to her at the breakfast bar and began devouring the food on his plate. When Jennifer looked at her watch, she gobbled up her food to announce that she only had a few minutes to fix her hair and put her uniform on.

Within ten minutes, she returned to the living room, tucking in her light blue shirt in her pants and pinning her badge to her shirt. She pulled on her belt buckle with fabric bunching around her waist. The struggle to find a pair of pants that fit in the thighs and the waist was real. She had to go up a size to fit the thighs, but she didn't have a chance to take her uniform to the tailors yet so that it could be altered to fit her waist. Her blonde hair was pulled into a tight bun at the top of her head with not a strand touching her collar. She had plenty of practice the past three months getting her hair just right. She heaved her duffle bag over her shoulder which contained her medical kit, books, and a spare uniform and announced that she was leaving.

"Hang on!" David yelled as he went to the kitchen counter to get a Polaroid camera. "I got to get a picture of you before your first day of paramedic school." She chuckled and rolled her eyes. She decided to play along and so she struck a vogue pose. He continued taking several more pictures showing an even bigger smile with each subsequent picture.

"Okay, I really need to go now before I get in trouble on my first day," she began to compose herself as she left.

"Bye. Good luck. Make some friends," he called out to her. He said a silent prayer hoping that there would be someone there that would make her feel welcomed.

Easier said than done, she thought. She was fortunate that she had two friends in the fire academy but she was unsure if she would be able to make friends in the paramedic program.

#### The Fire Academy ####

She reported to the fire academy thirty minutes early as instructed to be assigned a locker for the first month of the program. She took a seat in the auditorium with about ten other men. She had found out that after the first month, she would be assigned to Rampart General with four others. During that time, she would work out of the Emergency Department for most of the time but would also see time in Orthopedics, Psychiatry, and the OB/GYN departments as well. A few days a week she would shadow several of Rampart's squads, which included 110, 51, 59, 95, and 36, then be assigned a squad in which she would work with two paramedics before they sign off on her becoming certified as a paramedic.

This time, there was no assigned seating. She sat down and noticed that most of the men filled on the other side of the room and would only sit closer as they trickled in later and later. There was only one man who was willing to sit next to her, a firefighter of the name Jeffrey Higgins.

"You're Roy's kid, right?" Jeffrey asked as he took the seat next to her.

She nodded and held out her hand "I'm Jennifer Desoto." He shook her hand, not giving any care of catching cooties like the other men had.

"Jeff Higgins. Your old man told me you were in the program. If you're anything like your dad, you'll ace right through it. Your dad and Captain Gage talked me into joining the paramedic program. I'm a firefighter on Captain Gage's crew, well I was, til I decided to do the paramedic program." She realized she was talking to the the person that David had replaced on 51 B's squad. "Man, during the crossover of shifts, they'd bring up some of the crazy stories they had. I like a little bit of mystery to the calls, not the same old fire after fire. Figured paramedic training is right up my ally." Jenny wondered what stories they had. When Roy would come home, he would sugar coat anything that was life threatening, tell them of good saves, but never bad calls. At least, he never shared those with his children.


	2. Chapter 2: Just Friends

When Jenny opened the door to the apartment, she was face to face with her two favorite people-her brother, Chris, and her best friend and roommate, David,-smiling back at her. "So, you survived the first day of training, sis!" Chris announced. All she could was stand at the entrance of the door and stare at the two of them and mentally prepare herself for whatever shenanigans the two had planned for her. She threw her duffle bag to the floor in the hallway and slowly walked to the couch.

"Did you make any friends?" David knew that that was one of the first concerns of Jennifer's. Not necessarily making friends but not making enemies. David had witnessed how Jennifer and Linda Popp, another female firefighter trainee had to put up with sexual harrassment from the other trainees during their time at the fire academy. Several times, he stood up to the men and their negative comments. Jennifer confided to him that she felt lucky because she had made two best friends in the academy-David and Linda.

"Did you save anyone?" Chris Desoto asked. "Or is that on day two?"

Jennifer could only roll her eyes. She plopped down on the couch between the two men and sighed with exasperation. "The guy you replaced, Jeff Higgins, he said hi to me. He knows dad too. So I'd say it was a successful day. And Chris if you continue on, you might need someone to save you."

Chris decided to change the subject. "So, when are we moving in together. The three musketeers." Chris placed his hand in the air waiting for the two others to put their hands in to break, like football players did. After a brief minute, he lowered his hand. "Party poopers. You do remember from Saturday. I know it was a long two days ago. Two bedroom apartment. Three's company only with two guys and a girl. Or Jenn, did you decide to move out and make it a bachelor pad?" She rolled her eyes once again and shook her head. As her annoyance level rose, so did Chris's delight.

At the graduation, her father accepted that she was still going to live with David instead of moving back home. Although disappointed that she was not coming home, Roy was grateful that David was sleeping on the couch and Jenny had the bed...alone. A two bedroom apartment was opening up in the apartment complex and Chris had threatened to move in with them or kick Jenny to the curb.

David and Jenny quickly stole a quick glance. "I talked to the property manager. She said she can stay late on Wednesday to show us the apartment after you come home. They'll be working on painting it the rest of the week. And we could possibly move in over the weekend."

Without hesitation, she said enthusiastically "It sounds great!" She smiled at the thought of a bigger place with the two of them together. Maybe they would have room for a table to have larger get togethers. Having only a breakfast bar with two stools and a small outdoor table on the patio lead to prayer for good weather or no one showing up.

"Yeah, can't wait to be roomies," Chris chimed in. His smile grew as he knew he was plucking her last nerve. She punched him in the shoulder just to confirm that he was doing a great job annoying her. "Oww, that's roommate abuse!"

"First, just no. It's just me and David. We don't need a third wheel." Chris quickly leaned over to make eye contact with David and mouthed "third wheel" and gave him a wink. Chris could tell that there was more between the two than "just friendship" even if they both refused to admit it. A brief smile flirted on David's face at the dating reference but quickly faded after Jennifer explained. "It's not like that. We're...we're just...never mind. You're just lookin' to cause trouble. When does med school start?" She was tired of using the phrase, "we're just friends." Everyone was assuming that there was more, but she couldn't let there be more. Her focus was the paramedic program now. She couldn't afford any more complication in her life at the moment.

"I've got two weeks to pick on you before you'll never see me again. Oh the late night studying that I'll be doing. The weekend orderly work at Rampart. There goes my social life. Oh woe is me." He place the back of his hand to his forehead and fell into the couch. Although he dramatized the work and damage to his social life, he was excited about starting a new chapter in his own life.

"So then I just have to deal with you for two weeks and then I get a break. Hallelujah!"

David was mesmerized by their exchange. If a person had heard them, they would think that they hated each other. But playfulness and smiles showed that it was all done in jest and that they cared about each other. David thought about his own upbringing and how it was lonely being an only child in a big house. He could only imagine the two of them growing up together and how he never had that. However, he was starting to feel a part of the Desoto family since Chris had starting to make jokes at David's expense. David was starting to feel comfortable at dishing it right back to the both of them. The thought of being a part of the family brought joy and belonging that David hadn't known in a long time.

The first month of the program was uneventful. With lots of studying, she was acing the anatomy, physiology, chemistry, and biology courses. She owed Chris for his help during the first two weeks before he started med school. He helped her study as well as help move boxes into the new two bedroom apartment. He handled the move and disappointment of continuing to live with his parents well.

Then there was David, who still provided that emotional support that she was used to getting from him in the fire academy. _Well almost the same level of emotional support, _she thought. It was tough when he was at work and she was alone for the entire day. The apartment was quiet, too quiet. Her entire life was spent with living with three other people, one of which was her brother, who was as loud and as outgoing as could be. Then her father, Captain Roy Desoto, who tended to be a quiet man unless prodded. And then her mother, Joanne Desoto, who was full of wisdom and not afraid to share it. Jenny thought back to all those midnight snacks that she had with her father or mother or both of them. Chris was the oddball of the family, in which once he fell asleep he was out, most likely to keep up his energy for when he was awake.

Everything is going well. Well, except for having to practice IV's and injections on each other, Jennifer thought. She was quickly moving into phase two of the paramedic program. At times she felt like a pin cushion, but she realized she'd be inflicting the same pain on others very soon the paramedic program, which included spending most days in the Emergency Department, with the occasional time in OB/GYN, Orthopedic, and Psychiatric departments. Then there was the shadow rotation with a different squad on Fridays. This gave them a chance to see how different teams worked together, meet different people who work closely with them, and see first hand how the paramedic program worked in the real world.


	3. Chapter 3

Phase 2 of the paramedic program was more challenging than Jennifer could have imagined. She was seeing people at their worst days but helping others get better. She also had many headaches of trying to understand all the medical techniques, protocols, and EKG readings Monday through Thursday. She was excited about Fridays and her first taste of being a paramedic in the field when she would do a rotational schedule of riding with different paramedic squads. However, she also witnessed her first death in the ER. She watched silently as the paramedics from 36 aided in chest compressions until she was called to take a turn with chest compressions. Within a few minutes, she could feel the sweat trickle down from her eyebrow. With each thrust, she let out a grunt, trying with all her might to keep the man going, unntil Dr. Brackett called the time of death. It amazed her of all the effort the group had spent for almost twenty minutes, but it still did not change the outcome. For a brief moment, she wondered if the man, only five years older than her own father, had children. She shook her head trying not to focus on those thoughts. She willed herself to remain objective.

On Thursday, she was given her first shadowing placement. Her hours would be from 9-5 the following day at 36s. She was much impressed the work she witnessed from them two days ago with the cardiac case and she was excited to learn from those two.

The excitement of her first shift at 36s quickly faded as she opened her locker though. Taped to the door of her locker was a note on a white sheet of paper. It read "LACoFD's new uniform." She peered into the locker and was met with red fabric hanging from a hook. She lifted the fabric off the hook and held it up. In her right hand, was a red lace bra with flames printed on the cups. In her left hand was a red laced thong. She placed the bra in her left hand as her right hand struggled to open up her duffle. She threw the items in the duffle while mumbling curse words under her breath. Then her hand went to the note and ripped it off. All of her anger was used to ball up the note. She took several deep breaths to calm herself while her hands went to picking at her cuticles, her nervous habit. _I'm not letting them see me like this,_ she repeated. She quickly put on the department issued dark blue pants and light blue shirt. She pinned her badge. _If I can get through the academy, I can do this_, she willed herself to put on a determined face.

She came out of the office and to the kitchen. "Morning guys." One person from the crew who sat at the table acknowledged with a grumble, the rest remained silent. She made herself to the coffee pot to pour herself a mug of coffee. "Got any sugar?"

"Ain't you sweet enough?" The youngest lineman stated as he said licking his lips. She rolled her eyes but decided to play along.

"I need some sugar to keep my sweetness up," she replied. He got up and showed her the cabinet in which the sugar could be found in. "Thanks."

"No problem, babe." He slapped her ass as he made his way back to the seat at the table with the rest of the crew and was welcomed with aggitated faces that showed that they were angry at him for helping the enemy. He shrugged and whispered "maybe I'll get lucky." He gave them a smile and a wink. Since there was an ulterior motive, everything was forgiven. All Jenny could do was stand at the counter, taking a moment to try to process the exchange, but she couldn't. She didn't want to. It never happened, she wanted to believe.

Unfortunately, things didn't improve. The guys didn't trust her to carry anything except when trying to play jokes on her. The crew rolled up on a vehicle accident where the driver hit a pole and had a small cut over his left eye, most likely from hitting the steering wheel. The two paramedics quickly evaluated and determined that the man had a minor concussion and a lot of luck. However, they didn't need Jennifer to know that. They had her bring an air cast, then the g suit. She realized that they were playing her when they asked for the OB/GYN kit. When she brought up the fact that the OB/GYN wasn't needed, they quickly countered, "just in case we got to use it on you." Then the two began to laugh as she carried all the equipment back to the squad. The sad part was, this was the best call out of the five that she had rode on with 36s.

Jennifer always thought that she would enjoy being a part of the firefighting brotherhood, but she realized she would never have that. Her soul was crashed when making that realiziation on the drive back to the apartment. She was glad she was coming home to someone who provided much support that she desperately needed and wanted. When she walked in, she was greeted to the smile of garlic in the air. There sat two plates with spaghetti and meatballs and a candle lit in the center of the small circular table. She was ready to burst out in tears after realizing just how lucky she was.

She placed her duffle bag on the ground. "How was your day?" David asked as he carried a bowl of salad to the table. After he set it down, he finally had a chance to look at her. He could see the defeat in her eyes. What he wouldn't have given to hug her and make everything okay. He was going to use the dinner as a way to show her how much her cared for her. More than friends, but the look on her face showed that today might not be the best day. He didn't want to add to the complication that she currently had in her life at the moment with going to different stations and training to be a paramedic.

She attempted to hid her defeat with a quick smile and her sense of humor. "The guys got me a present." She rummaged through the duffle on the ground and held up the bikini. "Could you just imagine me rolling up on a call in this skimpy thing. I might cause a heart attack. And if I'm supposed to fight fires, I won't have a chance! I'm going to have to talk to the chief about this!" She gave a quick chuckle as threw the lingerie back in the bag. Despite the forced smile, it had not reached her eyes.

David's hands went to his crouch to try to hid the excitement that he felt when imagining her wearing the outfit. "You should talk to him. You shouldn't have to deal with the harassment."

She made her way to the table and David pulled out a chair. He took the seat across from her. "Not about that. I mean there is no protection and it can be distracting." She smiled as she noticed his cheeks reddened. "Maybe 95's will be better." Jenny quickly turned the conversation towards David's fire fighting as she was tired of talking about her day. Her goal was to block it out.


	4. Chapter 4: Shadowing at 51s

Station 51 A shift returned with about an hour left of shift. The run was a traffic accident with entrapment and injuries that required transport to Rampart. It was not a surprising sight to see Johnny show up early thirty minutes early to catch up with the shifts and life with the other firefighters. Since the transition from being partners on the same shift to being Captains on different shifts, it was difficult to have the same close relationship between Gage and DeSoto that developed since spending 24 hours with one another every three days. And that didn't include the time together spent when they weren't working. The two men were repairing the damage done when Johnny kept quiet about Jennifer attending the fire academy, leaving Roy DeSoto in the dark. Roy was not quiet when expressing his anger towards Johnny for putting Jennifer in danger by not only keeping her secret, but being one of the academy leaders to teach her. If it was up to him, Jennifer would never be in such a dangerous profession, but he was slowly accepting her choice. She was eighteen years old now, barely an adult, but still an adult. He had almost lost her because of his anger and fear when she moved out of the house and refused to speak to him.

"You're here pretty early," Roy noticed as he walked into the office. Johnny sat at the Captain's desk with his head in a book. Roy glanced at his watch to see that there was still about an hour before shift change. Johnny lifted his head with his crooked smile on his face.

"I'm just studying. I've only got three weeks to cram all this information in. I don't know if I can do it." Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose and lowered his head as he tried to rid himself of the developing headache.

"I'm sure you'll do well with the Battalion Chief's exam. Plus Hank will be doing the oral boards and I'm sure he'll put in a good word for you." Word on the streets was that Battalion Chief Hank Stanley was on his way to a promotion himself for an acting deputy chief position for the division, if everything went well.

"There's just one thing that's puzzling me," Johnny said.

"What is it junior?"

"How come you're not taking the test? They only give promotional tests once a year, and with your experience. Well, you'd be a good battalion chief."

Roy smiled at the thought of overseeing several stations, but his smile quickly faded. "I guess I'm just not ready to leave the station. It's home."

"I get that. But I'm going to move up, maybe be the youngest Battalion Chief if I get it this year." Roy nodded. Johnny looked around the room. This was his home as well. "Maybe if Hank moves up and I take his post overseeing this district, maybe I could move the chief's quarters here. Remodel the captain's quarters." Roy shook his head as his friend quickly continued on with the plans in his mind to stay at 51's. He couldn't blame Johnny as it had been both their homes for over fifteen years. He stopped in the middle of all his plans as he came to the realization. "I'd have to leave, huh?"

A quick nod was all that Roy could give. It was difficult to picture life outside of 51's. When Hank got the promotion to Battalion Chief, his Captain position was open and with the good word from Battalion Chief Stanley, his rank on the list, and acing the orals, he was able to procure the 51 A shift. Only a month later, the Captain on B shift announced his retirement and Gage was placed, along with the promotion of Chet Kelly to Engineer on the B shift.

Johnny needed a break from the studying and decided to put feelers out. "So, I've got a little lady shadowing us today."

A sigh escaped Roy as his shoulders slumped forward. "Do me a favor. Go hard on her. She's got a lot to learn to keep her safe on the job. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her." He shook his head thinking about his little girl and how fast she had grown up. It went by in a flash. "It seems like she was bandaging up baby dolls just yesterday. Now she's doing it to real, live people. When did we get so old?" Johnny groaned as he pushed himself out of the chair and gave Roy a quick pat on the shoulder. Johnny's started to have faint lines at the corners of his eyes. His once dark hair started to have sprinkles of gray. Roy's hair was thinning and he had packed on a few pounds.

Jenny's hours were 9:00 am to 5:00 pm on her shadow days. It was something she was happy for, so she could enjoy sleeping in. She arrived fifteen minute before the start of her shift and parked her car in the lot. Jenny placed her duffle bag on her shoulder and pasted a big smile on her face. Today she was working out of Station 51 and because her father worked the previous day, she was going to have Johnny as her Captain for the day and would be working alongside of David.

She looked around and knew all of the faces that surrounded the table. Chet and Johnny have been considered her uncles for most of her life. Then there was David who has been her rock for several months and her best friend. Filling the rest of the squad were firefighter Jesus Martinez and Paramedics Jerry Jones and Randy Kincaid. All of which have been coming to the growing monthly picnic that the original 51 crew vowed to have after Roy's and Johnny's promotions to Captains, Hank's promotion to Chief, and Chet's promotion to Engineer. When she entered, she got warm welcomes from most of the guys.

With the paramedic program, she worked the Emergency Department on Fridays for the first month, then the second month she shadowed the EMT crew, and the third month she was put to the test by being more hands on. She had been to several stations over the past month, but this was her first week with 51. Jenny saw most of the guys sitting at the table with coffee and she grabbed a cup herself, adding a lot of sugar and milk to just a little bit of coffee.

As the conversation progressed, the guys discussed dinner plans. "I think the boots should cook dinner tonight," announced Chet. Jenny and David looked at each other.

"Yeah, we can handle that." David said with a grin on his face. "I'll make my world famous spaghetti. Jenny said it was pretty good." Jenny's picked up her coffee mug and held it to her lips, hoping that she wouldn't get asked a very important question. Her eyes closed as she willed the group for silence.

"Pretty good, huh, Jenny? But is it as amazing as Stoker's Spaghetti though?" Chet asked as he knew that she had Stoker's Spaghetti a few months ago. All eyes turned on Jenny.

Jenny took a long swig from the mug hoping people would get bored staring at her. It was no use. Their eyes still focused on her. She decided to take on a new tactic when the stares continued. "Um, shoot, I still need to change yet." She got up from the table but she could still feel the stares.

"Jenny, how does it compare to Stoker's spaghetti?" David asked in a sing song tone of voice with a sly smile on his lips. He could tell that she was uncomfortable with all eyes on her and trying to keep the peace.

She turned around with her head down as she stood in the doorway to the bay. She let out a long sigh. "You're spaghetti is good, but it's no Stoker's Spaghetti. I don't know what he does to that sauce, but it is amazing." And with that the discussion focused on Stoker's spaghetti.

"When he makes his homemade pasta. Oh man, don't get me wrong that sauce dresses up store bought spaghetti. But, oh man, that pasta. I don't know what he puts in that sauce, but he hit me the one day with a spoon after I tried lifting the pot to see what he put in it. I asked for the recipe but he said I wasn't worthy of knowing the family secret recipe," Johnny recalled. Chet laughed.

"You aren't worthy! You are the worst cook!" Chet commented.

"I am a culinary artist. As I recall, Mike never gave you the recipe!" Johnny shot back.

"I never asked for it!" _I never asked because I knew he'd never give it to me, _Chet thought. "I think he ended up giving the recipe to Marco," Chet followed up.

Johnny whipped his head around, hurt that Lopez got the recipe and he didn't. "Come on, Marco can cook. And I think he exchanged his chili recipe for it."," Chet explained. Johnny shrugged now understanding as Marco's chili was a family secret recipe and just as delicious as Stoker's Spaghetti.

"Well, it looks like we'll just have to wait and see how yours taste," Johnny challenged David. David looked at Jenny who already had a defeated look on her face because she knew there was no way that David could beat Stoker's spaghetti.

Jenny mouthed the word "sorry." David tried to appear hurt, but Jenny could see the smile on his face.

"Well that's settled! You two have dinner duties. Come on Jenny, I'll show you to your locker," Johnny said as he got up from the table. Jennifer knew where to go without a tour as her father had showed her the station many times growing up. Johnny showed her to the locker and left her. As she opened up her locker, she was greeted with pictures of naked women. She tore them off the inside of the locker door. Her tears stung her eyes but she wasn't going to let them fall. _This wasn't supposed to happen at 51's. This was going to be the safe place, _she thought.

She walked the pictures to the trashcan by the door, when she heard a knock on the door with Johnny sticking his head in. Her disappointment on her face did not go unnoticed by Johnny. When you get finished, meet me in the office so I can go over the expectations.

Jennifer nodded as she turned around to head back to her locker. It was a picture of women's breasts staring up from the garbage can that caught Johnny's eyes. Sure he was guilty as the next guy at looking at dirty magazines, but he would never let anyone share this with Jennifer. He picked the pictures out of the trash can, in case it would be needed for evidence for harassment. The pictures went into his pocket without a second glance.

It was a few minutes later when Jennifer presented herself with a salute and a forced smile to Captain Gage. She tried to talk herself of the disappointment that she felt with the pictures that were taped in her locker, but she just couldn't shake it. Her disappointment continued as she saw the pictures on Gage's desk.

"Shut the door behind you. We need to discuss this," Gage said. He motioned for her to sit after she had shut the door. She continued standing but now with her arms crossed.

"There's nothing to discuss, _Captain._" Her eyes averted to away from him.

"I won't stand for this in my station. I want you to file a harassment report so that this can stop." She shook her head vigorously. She had spoken about the harassment to Firefighter Linda Popp, her friend who was a firefighter and had gone through the academy with. Linda had introduced her to a few other women who were, or had been, in the fire service. Their advice had been "don't be that girl. The girl that starts trouble." A few that had left the service had spoken up, to only be removed from a preferred station, denied promotions, or were not selected for additional trainings or conferences.

"Captain Gage, I can't and I won't. It's just some harmless pictures. I dealt with worse in the academy." It was that dig that hurt the most. Johnny was her squadron captain during her time at the fire academy. "Is there anything else?"

He saw that she wasn't going to budge on the subject. "Just listen to the paramedics and do what they say. And I want you to think about filing for harassment. If you won't, I'm still going to be speaking to the crew after you leave."

"I don't want you to say anything." He wasn't about to drop it. "Fine, if that's it, can I be dismissed." He only gave her a nod. She gave a salute as she left the office. He could sense the sarcasm coming from the salute. Although she was an adult, she still had moments of immaturity.

The day moved quickly for Jenny. Although she was to shadow, the paramedics had her do splints as all firefighters have had that training. She impressed the paramedics without needing much guidance. Jerry remarked that she moved like she had a lot of practice with splinting. Little did they know that her upbringing was spent splinting up her dad, mom, brother, uncles, teddy bears, and anything else she could get her hands on. Although her family hoped for a nurse, reflecting back on her childhood, she knew that she was destined to be a paramedic.

The tones interrupted the conversation at the table at station 51. "Station 51 traffic accident with injuries. Cross street Alameda and East Sepulveda. Time out 18:24," the sound of Sam Lanier came over the speaker.

Captain Gage wrote down the address and passed it to Jerry who was coming out of the kitchen. "Station 51. KMG-365," Gage answered into the radio. Jerry drove the squad with Jenny riding in the middle and Randy in the passenger seat.

As the crew pulled up, Jerry and Randy started pulling out the drug box, biophone and first aid kit. Randy reached through the driver's window and felt for a pulse. It was not a surprise when he could not find one. She was slumped over the side. There was a large dent in the middle of the dash with her purse to the floor of the passenger side. All the contents scattered to the floor. Looking at the placement of the car, she had crossed the center line. Probably going for the purse. A quick glance to the dash revealed the gray matter. "Let's check the other car," Randy said. Not having to say anything more to his partner.

However, Jenny did not get the implication of that statement. She also reached into the car and felt no pulse. A quick tug on the door, revealed that it was stuck. "I need a spreader now. We got to get her out!" Jenny called out to no one in particular. David ran to the engine to pull out the requested equipment.

Cap was about to head over to Jenn before Jerry grabbed Cap's arm. "Gray matter on the dash, Cap." He shook his head as he went to the other vehicle. Cap made eye contact to David and waved him off.

"David, Rich, wash off the gas and pull the battery. Chet, charge the lines," Captain Gage ordered his crew. David looked at Jennifer, worried about how she would take handle the fact that David had stopped retrieving the tool. David did not think long as he had a task to complete. The men quickly completed their assignments.

"David, what the hell are you doing? I said I needed a spreader." Jenn glanced around and noticed that no one was getting her what she needed. "Fine. I'll get it myself!" She jogged with a purpose towards the engine.

"Jennifer!" Captain called out. She ignored her name being called as she was focused with the list she had in her head. Grab the spreader. Pop the door open. Put a collar on. Get a back board. Check vitals. Captain Gage jogged at a quicker pace until he was close enough to grab her arm. With her reflexes, she ripped her arm from his grasp and landed her forearm to his stomach out of reflex. His body arched slightly upon contact with his stomach. He grabbed her arm again, but a little tighter. "Jenn, she's gone." Jenn stared down at the ground, shook her head, and started to pick at her cuticles. It was her nervous habit. "Right now you have two people you can help in the other vehicle."

Her head popped up. "But cap, there...there's got to be something we can do. We've got to help." Johnny walked away from her and went to a compartment on the engine. He grabbed a blanket and returned to Jenny. He placed it in her hand. "You can protect her from the gawkers and then get back to those that can still be saved." He walked over to check on his paramedics, leaving her standing alone holding a yellow blanket. That's when she glanced around and took note of the entire scene. People were starting to get out of their cars to get a better view of the accident.

Her head hung low with defeat as she walked towards the damaged car. The yellow blanket blew in the wind as she removed the blanket from the package. She slipped her body back through the driver's window and did her best to cover up the woman. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Her hands gripped the edge of the window and she pushed herself out. One last glance back at the yellow blanket. "I'm so sorry I couldn't help you." She walked to the other car trying to not think of the feeling of nausea in the pit of her stomach.

Randy claimed the job to transport the two patients in the ambulance because "he couldn't stand to be around someone so incompetent," he announced to the crew. It wasn't the time nor the place to reprimand Randy, but he would. Johnny believed he found the person who was responsible for the pictures.


	5. Chapter 5

Jenny was quiet as Jerry drove Squad 51 to the hospital to pick up Randy. She couldn't face him and instead stared out the window. Occasionally, he'd steal a glance at her. It had been a ten minute drive, with only five minutes left before they would arrive at Rampart General Hospital. The need to talk to her was great but he also knew he couldn't do it with Randy in the vehicle, so he pulled it over.

"Sorry my partner was a dick." She shrugged, not knowing quite what to say. She was meeting several dicks in the department, she realized. For just a brief moment, she thought how could partners call each other names like that. Sure her dad had called Johnny nuts and crazy at times, but usually it was at a well deserved time. Then again, this was a well deserved time.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Do you know why we didn't spend time on her?"

Without making eye contact, she whispered, "Because she was dead."

For a brief second, he contemplated what to say, thinking just maybe it was too much. He sighed in defeat, he was going to provide her with the ugly reason. The job was far from glamorous and it was important for her to understand this. "It was the brain matter that got us. A person doesn't survive that. But there were two others that could survive and it looked like they will."

The tears were stinging at her eyes as her eyes attempted to blink them away. She didn't want to risk a shaky, weak voice. She only nodded. She tried to reason with herself several times during the drive using that same statement. As Jerry was about to start the engine, Jenny took a deep breath as she tried to steady her voice. "How do you deal with it? How do you get used to it?"

He couldn't help but to chuckle. The question flooded his consciousness many times as a rookie and still made the occasional appearance, even ten years into the job. "A wise man once told me you never get used to it. If you do, it's time to get out." He took a moment, trying to figure out the best way to approach the next necessary conversation while her gaze returned to the window. "Some guys push it out of their mind and don't deal with. Others talk to each other. Captain's good about talking to us after a bad one. Some drink. I don't advise you to start having a drinking problem though."

He paused, debating on starting a new conversation, "I have a feeling being called incompetent, was the least of what you've been dealing with in the department."

She head whipped around with a look of surprise, confusion, and distrust. Did someone tell him about the harassment? What did he know? Was it him who was responsible for the pictures in the locker? He let out a hearty laugh? "I started in the department just about ten years ago. I was greeted with nigger scratched into my car." That's when she really took noticed of the man. All she had seen at the fire station were six men who never had to deal with harassment. But now she took notice of the African-American who joined less than fifteen years after segregation was outlawed. She thought about the heritage of those on just Johnny's shift, there was a Mexican, an Irishman, an Englishman, and African-American and all were under a person who was part Native American. And now they added a woman, granted it was just a temporary shadowing day for her.

"How'd you deal with it?" she questioned, as she finally made eye contact. Her voice was barely audible.

"I got into a fist fight. But I don't suggest you doing that. I see a little fight in you, but I don't think you could win in a fist fight against him," he chuckled. She gave a quick snort and an eye roll. "Plus, all that got me was a write up and a lecture. After that, I busted my ass, but asked for help when I needed it. I also knew when to apologize when I made mistakes," he hinted. "And don't pay any attention to the dicks. That's the biggest rule. I think you have the potential to be a good paramedic, but the only thought that matters is whether you think you're capable of being a good paramedic."

A few months ago, she knew the answer. It would have been a definite 'yes'. But today she let her emotions get the best of her. She couldn't let it happen again.

The ride back to the firehouse was wrought in silent tension once Randy got in the vehicle. As soon as the trio returned back to station, Jennifer was called into the the Captain's office. As should stood in front of Johnny, she started to pick at her cuticles. Her nerves were eating at her. Her stance at attention, was slightly slumped over as she waited for a berating, a much deserved berating. It never came.

"I wanted to check in on you and see how you're handling your first DOA." Johnny leaned back in his chair, trying to give a relaxed air.

Her posture solidified as she finally made eye contact. She should have known better that Johnny wasn't a yeller. "I'm okay. Really I'm fine," she stated, not only trying to convince the Captain, but also herself.

"Have you given it any more thought about the complaint?" He leaned in and rolled his chair closer to his desk.

"Not gonna happen," she scoffed. "Is that all, Cap?"

"That's all," he said in defeat. "Just remember, if you need to talk, I'm here and it's okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you all for letting me know about the crazy formatting. I'm trying it again and please let me know if it's not showing up right again. Thank you all!

When the crew returned to station, David started on his sauce. He liked to let it simmer with some meat bones the the had kept in the freezer for this very moment. When he was working on mincing garlic for the garlic bread, Jennifer appeared from her talk with the captain.

"Everything okay?," he asked.

"It's fine," she glanced at the men relaxing in lounge area, all focused on a gameshow on the television.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. What can I do to help with your spaghetti?" David knew instantly that she was not fine, but she wasn't going to going into any details about how she was really doing and what was going on. She was an expert on changing the subject and ignoring problems.

As she was given the task to stir the spaghetti sauce, it was as if she was transfixed on it. She kept stirring, with her mind replaying all of the events that had happened from the start of the day of finding the pictures to the dead girl. The distraction to Jennifer gave David an opportunity to put something in her locker, unlike the playboys and lingerie she had previously gotten. He took the pen and pepper from the radio stand and brought it into the bathroom. He placed the paper on her locker and began to write:

"I know today was rough, but I'm here for you. You are an amazing woman who is doing great things. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

He sat in front of her locker staring at the note, trying to decide on a salutation. He wanted to write "love David" but didn't know how she would take it. He signed "-David". He folded it and placed her name on the front and stuck it at on top of her duffle bag. He then returned to kitchen to find Jenny still staring into the abyss of spaghetti sauce.

"Hey, I think it's pretty well stirred," he chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Jen turned away and began to set the table while David went toward on boiling the spaghetti.

Just as plates were heaped with food and men were beginning to eat, the klaxons sounded. Everyone quickly bolted for their respective vehicles. As Jennifer was ready to hop in the squad, Randy blocked her and looked at his watch. "You're shift is over." It was 5:15 pm. With her shadow shifts, her day technically ended at 5:00 pm. She looked at Captain Gage for a reprieve.

He hated to admit it, but Randy was right. "If you get hurt off the clock, the department doesn't have to cover it. Sorry, you have to sit this one out," Johnny explained.

She watched as the men pulled out with the lights on and sirens wailing. She went back to the kitchen to clean the cooking vessels and put away the left overs. She slid the last few bites of food from her plate into the trash. Her appetite was lost.

She decided not to wait around for the men to return and that she was going to go home. A quiet chuckled escaped her lips as she thought about drinking a few of the beers at home. There was usually a few beers in the house for when there was a baseball or football game on.

She trudge along to her locker and saw a white piece of paper with her name on it. "What more can they do to me," she mumbled. She was tempted to ball it up without reading it, but it was the familiar handwriting that stopped her.

As she read the note, she could feel the tears sting her eye, but she refused to let them fall. She took several deep breaths. He had no clue how much this had meant to her and it was just what she needed.

When the men returned an hour and half later, they came back to a kitchen that was all straightened up. Chet started to bring out the spaghetti leftovers to heat up as the rest of the men cleaned up. When the crew sat down to eat, Chet confirmed that the spaghetti was a close second to Stocker's spaghetti.

During the meal, John cleared his throat. He had never had to have a discussion that he was about to start up. While still chewing on spaghetti and moving the garlic bread around in the air, Captain Gage began his speech. "We need to have a discussion on how we treat the women in the department, particularly this station." Chet was ready to make a quip about bringing flowers and candy as a suggestions on ways to treat a lady right, but one look at the seriousness on Captain's face and he knew not to speak a word. All attention was on the captain.

"There were pictures of naked women placed in Jennifer's locker. As a member of the fire cadre at the academy, I have seen how capable and _competent_ these women and how deserving they are to be in the academy." Randy knew that the stress on the word competent was meant for him. "Any man who thinks that this is appropriate behavior for my station, should look for another station because I won't tolerate it. Consider this a warning." He got four out of five head nods.

Randy leaned back with his arms crossed. He was the lone dissenter, which did not go unnoticed by the others. "Do you have a problem with this?" Captain Gage asked.

"You got a thing for her or what? I mean we all know you and DeSoto go back," Randy insinuated.

Everyone's eyes widen with horror at the lack of thinking on Randy's part. It wasn't until Randy saw the Captain stand and stop eating.

"I won't tolerate that behavior in my station," Gage snarled.

"So, you're okay with putting _your_ crew in harm's way. You think that she's going to be able to carry me or Jerry or anyone else out. The only place she belongs at her in the station, is the kitchen. She did a fantastic job cleaning up."

"I've seen how well she did in the academy."

"I don't care if she could do a million push ups or sprint a mile in five minutes. I can't trust a woman with my life and I can't believe a captain is that stupid to think a woman can do a man's work."

Jerry who sat next to Randy whispered for Randy to "just cool it."

"Well, you have two options, accept it or find another station."

"Get me a transfer form," Randy snapped. Without wasting any time, Captain Gage stormed to the office and returned with the bright yellow transfer request form. He slammed it down on the table in front of him.

"Think you put up with a _stupid_ captain for the next twelve hours or do you want me to find you a replacement now?" Gage questioned.

Randy picked up the form and grabbed a pen from the pen cup on the counter. "I'll fill it out, while you make your calls."

Chet, Jesus, and David remained in the kitchen to clean up, while the Captain went to his office to try to find a replacement on a Friday night. Jerry follows Randy, his partner of two years, to the dorm room to try to talk some sense into him.

"What the hell kind of stunt did you just pull out there?" Jerry questioned.

"You can't be okay with bringing in a woman on the squad. How would you like it if she were your partner, huh? She was a fucking emotional wreck today on scene. What if you and her go in and you needed to be carried out? Huh, what then?" Jerry spewed.

The last part got a chuckle out of Jerry. Randy only had three inches on Jennifer, who stood at 5'4". "Sometimes I wondered if you could lift me out of there." Jerry tried to joke. Jerry was a retired linebacker for the Los Angeles Chargers. He played three years before a knee injury sidelined him. But at 6'4" and a solid 240 pounds, he was still bigger than Jerry by many inches and pounds.

Randy rolled his eyes. "So, you're taking the Captains side, huh? Maybe you should see about getting a transfer, cause he's going to get you killed if he's believing in this women's lib shit."

"Listen, we don't have any openings coming up, so it's just our crew. You're really serious about leaving the crew? You willing to take a chance that there's not a woman whoever you'll be shipped off to?"

"I'm as serious as a heart attack. And that's a risk I'm willing to take. I just can't work for a delusional captain."

"No changing your mind?"

"No changing my mind." He filled out the reason for the transfer as poor leadership from the captain and signed his name on the bottom. He would drop it off at headquarters on Monday. Randy left the dorm room and Jerry followed behind. The two returned to the living area and turned on the television as Chet, Jesus, and David continued to cleaning the kitchen. All were at a loss of words.

Meanwhile, Johnny tried calling the other paramedics on both A and C shifts. Three he couldn't reach and one he knew was on vacation. He thought long and hard about the next name on his mental list. He dialed the number he knew off by heart.

"DeSotos," the voice answered.

"Hey, Pally. You got any plans for, uh, let's say the next twelve hours." Roy who was laying in his recliner, pulled the handle to sit up right. He could tell that something was wrong.

"Everyone on you're crew okay?"

"Randy's just sick." _Sick of his captain_, Gage thought. "Can you cover the rest of shift for him?"

He knew that something was up, but he wasn't go to let down a friend. "Be there in about 30 minutes."

"Thanks, Pally."

"Welcome, Junior."

Roy quickly gathered his items, changed, and said his good bye to Chris and Joanne before he left for the station.

After changing into his uniform, Roy entered the living area. Most greeted him cordially, while Randy had to make one last statement before he left. "How did I get so lucky to see both DeSotos here today?" He went to his locker to grab his items for what he hoped would be the last time at this station.

"What's his problem?" Roy asked Chet.

Chet only shook his head. "You don't want to know." Without warning, the klaxons signaled the need for both the squad and engine to respond to a car crash. Roy would find out his answer, just not right now.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all for bearing with the rough upload of chapter 6. Any reviews and critiques are appreciated.

It wasn't until 10:00 PM before the paramedics returned from multiple calls. Jerry was relatively quiet but cordial to Roy on shift, but Roy felt that he had walked into some sort of bad situation. Jerry quickly took off his clothes, leaving nothing more than his boxers before turning in for the night. When Roy went to the bunk room, he found most were sleeping in their bunks, but there was one bunk that was still empty. First he crept to the living area, thinking that he would find John Gage watching an old movie. But he wasn't there. He walked out to the Bay Area to see light flooding from doorway.

Roy stood outside for a moment staring at Johnny with his nose in a book. He stood watching, trying to think about where the time went from when Johnny was debating on joining the paramedic program to watching him study the manual for the chief's test. Roy cleared his throat as he tried to minimize startling Johnny. It wasn't loud enough to get his attention. Roy leaned on the frame and crossed his arms, taking in one more brief moment of stillness. He had a feeling he might open the flood gates that typically happens when Johnny is angry.

"Johnny…" Roy paused. "You going to explain to me what illness Randy happened to have?"

A snort escaped Johnny as he closed the book. Roy noticed that it was not the Chief testing study guide, but was the protocol book.

"You know, I believe the medical term for it is hatred-for-a-captainitis. Or something like that," joked Johnny. Johnny's swivel chair creaked as he turned towards Roy. Roy entered the office and pulled up a chair.

"Must've been a bad case," he decided to play along.

"You could say that." Johnny's head slumped forward as his forearms leaned on his thighs. "Bad enough to transfer out, gave me a headache and a ton of paperwork to do. Ever thought about quitting being a captain and work as a paramedic on the best shift—B shift."

"For the record, A shift has the best shift. And I don't know how Joanne would take the pay cut. I have a question though, a transfer is just a sign off after he puts down a reason for a transfer. How much paperwork is there?"

"Not a lot, if it's just a transfer. But I'm putting in an official complaint on him."

Things were beginning to click. He had remembered Jennifer stating that she would be assigned at 51s this week, but couldn't remember if it was going to be B or C shift. But the DeSoto's comment that Randy made confirmed it. Whatever it was, it had to be bad. Usually any discipline was kept in house and handled by the captain. It was a brotherhood and the captain usually tried not to put a black mark on a person's record unless absolutely necessary. "It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain young lady would it." A nod confirmed it. "What happened?"

"Roy, I'm handling it." It was a code that, although difficult to abide by in the moment, it was one that he wasn't going to cross. What occurred during a shift, was handled by the captain and brass. It didn't need to be spread to others, even if that other person was someone's father. "All you need to know, is that I'm going to try my best to keep Jenny safe from _everything_ I can."

"I know you will, Junior. But you're not going to tell me what went down are you?"

Johnny shook his head and gave him a crooked smile. "That's up to Jennifer to tell you."

"Did she file a complaint?" Johnny did not give an answer and that was all Roy needed to surmise the answer.

"Thanks," was all Roy could say as he struggled with the words. "You better get to bed, Junior. You never know when we're…" he wasn't able to finish his thought before the klaxon sounded.

"You just had to jinx us," Johnny accused with a smirk on his face. Johnny pushed himself out of the chair with a groan. When did he start feeling so old, he thought.


	8. Chapter 8

Although Jennifer and David swore that they were nothing more than just friends, they were doing a fantastic job at playing house. If David was off during the weekday, he would usually make breakfast for Jennifer as she got ready for the hospital or a shift on the squad. On the weekend, if he was coming home from shift, she had breakfast waiting. If they were lucky enough to have a whole day off, they would cook breakfast together. It was an activity that allowed them both to do something they enjoyed, not just the cooking but being in each other's presence Usually Saturday nights, Chris DeSoto would come over and as Jennifer put it "to drive me crazy."

Saturday morning rolled around, Jennifer had showered and started breakfast by 7:00 AM. She knew that he loved banana and walnut French toast with whipped cream and had stopped at the grocery store on her way home from the station the previous night. She wanted to do something special for the note that he had left for her. When it was 8:00 and David wasn't home yet. She got a little concerned. She was unsure if he was pulled into working over time to cover for someone or if there was an accident. Her mind started to think of the worse, as he tended to be strict to a schedule.

Meanwhile, David wanted to do more than just the note that was left in the locker. Station 51 was supposed to be the one station without the sexual harassment that has been wearing her down. On his way home, he thought about a little flower shop that he would go to every week growing up. His mother loved flowers and his father made it a point to stop and get her fresh flowers weekly. When she passed away, his father continued the tradition by having red camellias sitting in the entry way. It had been a few years since he had gone to Financial Flowers, but he knew the owner and it was worth the hour drive. That is, if it was still open as it had been several years since he had been to the storefront. He parked in the parking garage and walked the two blocks to the store front. It was 8:00 am and the store didn't open up until 9:00 AM. He decided to give it a knock and see if anyone was around and if they would be willing to help a man in need.

Within a few moments, he was greeted with a short, balding man with thick glasses barely hanging on the tip of his nose. He tapped the window next to the sign. "We're closed. We'll be open in an hour." It was his time to prepare orders without being disturbed. The man was about to turn around to walk away but he decided to adjust the glasses and focus on the man. "Mr. Dixon?" he then squinted while he opened the door. "Come in, come in," he quickly ushered in David in while locking the door behind him.

"My boy, it's been a long time? How are you? How is your father? Are you working with him? Does he need a special order of flowers? He already got his weekly order delivered." The questions started to make David a little uncomfortable, but he had to be friendly to a man he hoped would do him a big favor.

"It has been a long time, Mr. Danello. I've been doing well. I'm not working with my father at the moment. I actually joined the fire department."

"Oh, why don't you come on back. Nicole is here, have you met my daughter." Nicole was about ten years older than him and David had a feeling that she was single. Mr. Danello introduced himself, hoping that there might be a few sparks develop. "So, what can I do to help you today?"

"I have a special friend that deserves to get some nice flowers. She's not too traditional so I don't want to do roses."

Mr. Danello couldn't hide his disappointment, but he also didn't want to loose a sale. "How serious are you with her? What do you want to say?" The florist loved the meaning behind the different flowers and would usually go off on a meaning of a flower.

"We're not serious or in a relationship or anything. She's just a close friend, who lives with me."

Mr. Danello didn't believe a word he was saying. The truth was written all over David's face. "Let me try to come up with something." He spent 10 minutes in the back room before returning with a small floral arrangement of pink camellia with gardenia in the middle. Leaves surrounded the flowers.

"What do you think?" Mr. Danello asked excitedly.

"Perfect!" David knew he was waiting for the question. "So, what's the flowers mean?"

Mr. Danello's face lit up. "I know you said, you're just friends, but your face lit up. The camellia means longing for you and the gardenia means secret love."

All David could do was shake his head. For a brief moment, he agreed with the old man. But then quickly, he reminded himself of just friends. He repeated that mantra several times in his head.

After David paid for the flowers and said his good-byes, Mr. Danello spoke to his daughter about David's relationship status. "Too bad he's taken, we wouldn't have to worry about selling flowers any more," he said with a chuckle.

"You mean he has money? I thought he said he was a firefighter. They can't make that much money!"

"He comes from money and a good family. Shame about his mother though. She passed away when he was a young boy."

Jennifer tried to keep busy in the kitchen while trying to drown out her worries about David's lateness with the help of a boom box. It was about 8:15 when there was a knock at the door. Her face lit up. "What did you do, forget your key?" She hollered. She trotted to the door and quickly opened it. Disappointment spread across her face as she realized that it was not David, but her father.

"Dad, um, what are you doing here?" Her father didn't visit too often, she usually went over to their house once or twice a week. She didn't like being in a quiet apartment. She was used to a household of four people, one of which she liked to refer to as a loudmouth, a loving loudmouth. When she looked at her father, she saw that he appeared tense. She moved her hand to the door frame and gripped it. Her father was here and David wasn't. Her mind began to race. Was he hear to let her know that David was hurt or worse? "David, is he okay?" She whispered.

"What?" Roy had been confused. "He left before I did. He didn't get back yet." Jenny tried to process, but it was her turn to be confused. "One of the paramedics got sick after you left and I filled in. David left before I did. I stuck around a little bit talking to C shift." He could tell that his explanation did little to calm her nerves. "I'm sure he's fine. Probably just running errands or something. So, can I come in?" Jenny realized that they were still at the door.

"Come on, I made breakfast. Don't want it to go to waste." Jennifer quickly made up a plate of food and a cup of coffee for her father while he sat at the table, watching in disbelief as to where the time had gone. Standing before her was a young woman. He tried to figure out where the time had gone. She joined him at the table carrying her own plate and mug of coffee.

"How was your shift?" He asked.

"It was just peachy keen," her voice dripped with sarcasm. She took a long slow sip on her coffee.

"Jenny Bean," he answered. It was automatic from childhood. Instead of peachy keen, jelly bean, he used her nickname that only dad could get away with "Jenny Bean." It brought a brief smile to her face, but as soon as it was on her face, it was gone.

"I'm sure the guys filled you in. It was a disaster. One guy called me 'incompetent.' I flipped on Uncle Johnny. I yelled at David. And then there were the pictures that Uncle Johnny was making a big deal out of. Which in the grand scheme of things, really isn't as bad as other stations," she rattled off. She was sure that he had all that information already, but she noticed the look of surprise on his face. She placed her hands in her lap and began to fidget with her cuticles while staring into her coffee. She didn't want to see any more expressions on his face.

The pieces of the puzzle were slowly being put together. He figured Randy was the one who put pictures in the locker and called her incompetent. He wondered how her 'flip out' looked, because that could have earned her a black mark in her file. He struggled to paint that picture. "It sounds like it was a rough shift."

"When isn't it a rough shift?" She whispered. He moved his chair from across the table to sitting next to her. His arm went across her shoulders as he pulled her into a hug. Daddy's girl was hurting and it was Roy that Jenny went to. Even though she was eighteen, it was still one of daddy's hugs that she needed. She latched on to him as he kissed the top of her head. The dam finally broke and she let the tears show. After a moment she pulled away. Her hand shot to the napkin and she tried to rid her face of the evidence. "You know you were right?"

"I'm right about a lot of things," he joked. "What was I right about?"

"That I'd get hurt. Just probably not in the way you thought." It was something that he did not want to be right about. Seeing the strength his daughter had at the fire academy graduation to the broken woman sitting before him was tough to witness. Even though he had not wanted her to become a paramedic, he never wanted to see the hurt he was witnessing now.

Her heart began to race as she wanted to ask the question. Her mind debated, but she felt that she needed to know the answer. "Did you not want me to join the fire department because I might get hurt or because I'm a woman?" There was no taking back the question.

Roy paused, making Jenny fidget more with her hands as she waited for the answer. Did her father think she could handle the job?

"If I could put you and Chris in a plastic bubble to protect you, I would. That's just a parents job to be protective and it's hard to see you two grown up. I've seen a lot of good men get killed on the job and that is a fear that I have every time you're on shift. It only took me about 25 years to realize the worry your mom had for me. That was why I didn't want you to join the academy. But I want you to be happy too, even if it means some risk."

"So, it wasn't about being a woman?"

He thought back to early in his career. "When I first started out in the fire department, I didn't think a woman should be firefighter. Call me young, dumb, or immature. I didn't think they could handle the job. Wasn't strong enough." Jenny's eyes widened with surprise as she sat back. It was polar opposite to the man who always said she could do great things. For just a moment, she wondered if it was all a lie. Maybe he didn't think she could achieve any thing. But what was scarier, was that maybe he was right. "It's not like that now. There was a female paramedic trainee who saved my life when you were just a baby." He had always tried to hide or play down the bad injuries, but she had never heard the story about her father's electrocution. For most of the time she could remember, he had minor injuries, it was Johnny who always seemed to be the accident prone one.

"Karen. Oh, she was hard nosed. She trained with a chip on her shoulder, but I guess any woman coming in would have that chip. She wanted to do everything on the first day. But we tend to take it slow with the trainees, cause there's a lot to learn. Some of the guys played jokes on her, life faking a brain aneurysm." He gave a quick chuckle. "She got back on that one with a chest rub. Maybe it could have been seen as harassment, but we liked to joke around a lot more when we were younger. We responded to a fire and Johnny and I had to get out of the top floor. A few people threw up a ladder but it slide. I reached out to grab onto something, anything. I grabbed on to a live wire. Johnny was stuck inside as they tried to get the ladder set again. Karen did CPR and shocked me. She saved me. I know first hand what a female paramedic can do. She's the reason I was able to come home to you all."

She moved in close for another hug. She thought back on all joyous moments that she had with her father and the thought of him not being there crushed her soul. A few more tears fell as her thoughts continued to race. He pulled her in close and held her for several minutes. He did not want to let go of this moment. She has always tried to be so independent and moments where he still felt like he was her father and she was his baby girl were fleeting.

She slowly rustled from the hug and sat up. "I'm going to have to heat all this back up." She pulled the two plates from the table and moved to the microwave and put one in at a time. As she waited, she worked on picking her cuticles. Her father's wall was finally a down, which might only be a rare moment. "How do you deal with the bad calls, there was a rough one last shift." She thought about Jerry's input earlier and was alway curious as to how her father handle it. It was as if nothing hurt him, but she was starting to think that maybe it was all an act, something buried deep from the family.

"Hank did well knowing all of us and calling us in to the office to check in with us. We were lucky, because debriefing after bad calls never happened back then but Hank knew the importance of talking it out if need be. The department is now wanting us to start debriefing after serious incidences. I'd come home and just remember how thankful I was for what I had. I would talk to Jo, but not give the details. I never wanted her to know all the bad that I saw. Then doing the clay pots and projects around the house or fishing and camping trips or those silly money making schemes Johnny came up all helped take my mind off of things. I guess it just kept me too busy to think about the ugly."

She thought about the past few weeks when she was riding with the squad. She worked on a few people who suffered from broken bones, but no great saves. Especially not her. She's been like a errand boy, being sent to grab things for others. She just wanted to do her job and was eager to show her skills. At the hospital, she always excelled and was given tasks on par with the other men in the program. She knew that she had to give thanks to Dr. Morton's relationship with her family.

She swapped plates in the microwave and sat down the plate in front of her father.

"You've had a chance to ask me a few questions? I think it's my turn." There was no argument from Jenny. He knew that he had to decide what direction he wanted to go in as he wasn't sure he could get all the answers. Although he wanted to know about what happened on 51s, he could still tell she was preoccupied with David's absence. "You and David, just friends?" He needed to know so he could wrap around his head of his little girl having her first serious relationship.

Her back was still turned, staring into the microwave. Her shoulders slumped as she thought about it. She could say that they were just friends, but her dad had been honest answering her questions. "I don't know what we are. I guess if we were just friends, I wouldn't be as concerned about where he was." She turned around and gave him a weak smile. She walked to the closet and rifled through her duffle bag finding the small piece of paper buried underneath her clothes, she had yet to clear out.

She returned with the note in hand and placed in front of her father. She returned to the microwave to retrieve her plate and sat down at the table. "We'll he's not wrong, you are an amazing young woman. What happened on shift?"

A large piece of waffle was shoved in her mouth. She chewed slowly trying to buy herself time as she thought about the amount of information to disclose. "In some ways it was the worst shift. A young lady about my age passed away in a car accident. Nothing we could do, I was told. I didn't handle it to well. All I could think about was her family. Did she have siblings? What was she doing with her life? Let's just say that one of the guys, shared his opinion of how I handled it."

And it was Johnny who was going to protect her from the criticism. He was unsure of what exactly had been said, but it was starting to make sense and he was relieved that his partner still had his back, even after all these years.

"Let's talk about something else," she didn't want to think about the fire department, the men, or the accidents. The two chit chatted to pass the time. It almost two hours had passed when Jennifer realized that his father was waiting with her until David came home. She also knew that he was pushing back his weekend routine of completing the honey-do list. "Dad, I'm a big girl. I appreciate what you're doing but I can wait on my own. I know that you have stuff on your list and you said that you were going to be painting the deck." He checked his watch. He forgot about the guys coming over to help paint at noon. She could see the conflict over his face. She pushed herself from the chair and interlocked her arms with his, pulling him from his seat. "It's okay."

"Call when he gets home, leave a message with your mom if he comes home before I get home."

"Okay, dad." He gave her a hug and kissed the top of her head before leaving.

As Roy was walking down the hallway, he saw David heading to the apartment carrying flowers in his hands and his duffle draped over his shoulder. Roy went quickly from relief to anger back to relief.

"Hello Mr. DeSoto, is every thing okay? Is Jenny okay?" Jennifer was a planner and when the DeSotos had come over in the past, Jennifer usually let him know when. The whole family seemed like planners, except for Chris. He then thought about when they left shift and Roy didn't mention coming over.

"I think she'll be okay now knowing that you are okay. Beautiful flowers," his tone insinuated more than just friends.

His cheeks reddened as he tried to come up with something to say. Roy decided to end the embarrassment, "I know that you both are just friends, but she cares about you. I decided to stop over cause I figured the shift was probably rough for her. The first thing I did when I left was to call Jo and let her know I'd be late. Being a firefighter with people that care about you means trying to lessen that worry as much as you can."

It was clicking and he could kick himself for the lapse in judgement. "Aww man, did she have breakfast made and everything?" He thought about the usual weekend events. Roy gave a slight nod. "How could be I be so stupid?"

Roy couldn't help but smile, he could see the care that David had for her. Although a small part of Roy wanted to brow beat David, he realized he couldn't make David feel any worse then he already did. "When you go in there, let Jenny know that you ran into me, okay?"

"Yes, sir," he whispered. David walked slowly to the apartment with his head down. All Roy could do was watch and shake his head.

Jenny sat on the couch staring at the door. Her mind played David entering several times, each with a different way she handled it. She had wanted to yell and scream at him, but she reminded herself, yet again, that they were just friends. She thought about Linda and how she had no clue what she was doing at this time and that that was okay. She started to tell herself that she needed to build up her walls bigger so that no feelings could enter. It was bad enough having to deal with the emotional abuse at work, but then to also sift through the waters of a romance, would just be too much to handle. _Just friends_, she said out loud as she pushed herself from the couch. She decided to keep busy by tidying up the kitchen. As she pushed herself from the couch, in walked David.

"Hey," she turned to the kitchen and went to the sink to wash the dishes.

David slide the duffle from his shoulder to the ground, blocking the door and followed her to the kitchen. "I should've called. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I wanted to do something nice for you." She slowly turned while washing a glass.

She had tried to ignore David when he got home and had been oblivious to the flowers. But now she got a full view of the arrangement. He moved in closer. A part of her was relieved they weren't roses. Those really meant another level of intimacy. She thought that this was probably a good friendship bouquet.

"Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful!" She smiled as she took the flowers and placed them on the table. She continued staring at the flowers, willing herself to be angry at him for putting through so much worry. Part of her was angry with herself for growing too attached to a friend.

"Jenny." No response. "Jenny." He took her arm and spun her around. Her head down low. "I can't remember the last time someone cared about me. Truly cared. I don't know how to act. I'll try to do better so you're not worried."

"I think I'm always going to be worried. But a phone call would be helpful," she smiled. She couldn't stay angry at him. Not someone she cared so much about. "Come on, I'll whip up some more of your favorite waffles."

She joined him at the table with just a cup of coffee while he devoured the waffles. That's when he filled her in on what happened after she left. Captain Gage stuck to his guns. She was angry until she realized he was another person who cared about her and she couldn't be angry any more.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Marbo, I really appreciate you always reviewing my story! I really appreciate when someone is willing to take the time to let me know how they like it, what needs to be improved, or any ideas._

The last few shifts weren't out of the ordinary for Jennifer. It included some stares as she walked in, plenty of mumbling and grumbling from the men, and more photos and playboys in her locker. It was starting to become her new normal. She continued to hold on to a little hope of being placed at a decent station in about three weeks. That was what kept her going while dealing with the harassment.

When she walked into 18s A shift, she expected the same—mumbling, grumbling, notes, maybe a few playboys in her locker. Every Wednesday and Friday, she would start her day thinking about what the ways the crew could harass her that day. It was her morning ritual when she was shadowing a squad and a way to mentally prepare her for the day to come.

This day started unlike all of her previous shifts. She got the stares, like normal. A few stutters from the guys, trying to figure out how to best greet the outsider. However, she didn't have much time to deal with more than that before the Klaxons went off announcing a run for the squad for a woman in labor. She had barely enough time to change into her uniform.

In the squad, she sat between the two senior paramedics, who weren't much senior. Bill had three years on the squad and Jeff had started last year. The other more senior members called them the baby boys because the guys on the truck each had been there for at least five years, most in double digits. During the drive, Bill asked if she had done the OB/GYN rotation yet. She explained that she was lucky as she had spent the past two weeks in that department during her hospital rotations. The two quizzed her on route about the procedure of delivery and what to look out for. She had passed his test with flying colors. It was Jeff who warned that they would probably just provide transport. he had yet to bring a baby into the world.

The drive took about 10 minutes with the lights and sirens. It would've easily been five minutes but traffic was heavy and people still struggled with moving out of the way, even with the sirens blaring. Jenn was handed the OB/GYN kit while the men carried the rest of the equipment.

The three jogged to the door. Bill knocked on the door and was greeted with a scream. He tried to door, relieved to see that it was unlocked. Laying on the ground in the living room was a thirty year old woman. The phone receiver laid next to her. She panted for a minute while Jeff introduced the crew to her. The woman was about to introduce herself, but was interrupted by a contraction. Jeff looked at Bill and mouthed "less than two minutes." When the contraction went, Janet was able to introduce herself.

Bill explained what the crew was going to do while Jeff set everything up. Bill broke the news that Janet would not be delivering in the hospital. Bill went to position himself at her feet, when she snapped her legs shut. "Please, only my husband has seen me. My OB/GYN is a woman." She let out another shriek as her body tensed with the contraction.

Bill looked at Jennifer. He wasn't about to argue with a woman getting ready to push a watermelon through a straw. At least not if he could help it. He made eye contact with Jennifer with was getting the biophone together. He did a quick head nod to indicate that she should change positions with him. She reached in the OB/GYN box and got her goggles, gloves, and masks. He tossed her a blanket and started to tell both Jennifer and Janet, what was going to happen.

He instructed that for Jennifer to put the blanket on the ground. Her water had already soaked into the floor, but there would be more fluids leaving her body during the delivery. She followed up with removing Janet's underwear. Jeff took down Janet's medical history, little by little. Bill continued to say each step as a way to calm Janet and to reassure Jenny that what she was doing is correct. After 30 minutes, they had the baby and placenta out. Both mother and child was healthy.

When the crew returned to headquarters, they had little time to celebrate between the calls. They were run ragged until about 4:00 PM between a heart attack, a broken ankle, a motor vehicle accident, and an asthma attack. When they finally pulled in, they were eager to tell the truck crew how their day had gone.

The paramedics found the crew playing two on two basketball in the parking lot. As the paramedics walked in, it was Bill who announced that Jennifer delivered a baby.

"Damn, you look pretty good for having just delivered a baby," Dennis said. He was the smart ass of the crew but trusted with maintaining the fire truck as the Engineer.

"She didn't deliver it herself. She helped a woman deliver a baby," explained Jeff in all seriousness.

No one called out Jeff for believing Dennis had thought that Jennifer had just given birth. It seemed as this was pretty typical for the guys to do.

"Congrats!" Firefighter Travis said.

"Thanks," she blushed.

The Captain ended the game early and went to his office. Bill followed behind his to the Captain's office..

"You got any pins?" Bill asked after closing the door behind him.

"You still got the cigars?" Captain asked. Bill had been keeping cigars for the very moment he was going to deliver a baby. Being a paramedic, one is usually called for one of the worst days in a person's life. Delivering a baby in the field is an exciting and joyous moment. One that most paramedics don't get to do, because they usually transport to the hospital.

"Yeah. Listen when you call her in, let us fuck with her just a little bit," Bill mentioned.

Captain threw up his hands and then started pulling out the drawer, searching for the stork pin. "I don't want to hear about whatever evil plan you have."

"Just give us five minutes, Cap," Bill pleaded.

Bill left the office and shut the door behind him. He made his way to his locker to pull out the cigars, lighter, and cigar cutter. Carrying the items, he returned to the rest of the crew who were now mingling in the parking lot.

Bobby noticed the items in Bill's hands. "I see we are celebrating huh, poppa?"

"We are, right momma?" He handed out the cigars, with Jennifer's being the first. Dennis quickly bit off the top of his cigar while several other wait to cut the ends. Jennifer waited her turn for the cutter.

"Aww shit, just bite it. Be more of a man than these pansies," Dennis egged her on and slapped her back. She pulled the cigar away and looked at it for a brief moment. She then bit the end and spit it out, mimicking Dennis. The guys laughed as Bill lit her cigar. She took a long inhale and began to cough. It was obvious that she was new to cigars as was Jeff, as they were both coughing. The rest of the crew picked on the two.

As the crew was standing around, smoking. The Captain came out. Dennis tossed a cigar the Captain's way. Cap caught the cigar in mid air and brought it down to his side. "I'm afraid I'll have to wait on this. DeSoto, I need to see you in my office. There's something we need to discuss about the call," he said sternly. Jennifer tried running through her mind about what had gone wrong on the calls, but nothing came to mind.

She trailed the Captain, but not before Bobby grabbed her cigar out of her mouth. "Damn, only a few hours on our shift and already in trouble. Cap don't like cigars in the station." She gave him a thankful nod.

Captain sat at his desk and pulled out the drawer to retrieve the pin. He sat for the extra minutes she needed before she entered the office. Her body stood at attention. "Bobby told me about the baby's delivery." He stood up from his desk and made his way in front of her. Her heart began to race as she forced her arms at her sides. Her instinct was to start to pick at her cuticles but that would not be a sign of attention.

"I heard that you did good work. Any paramedic that delivers a baby in the field gets one of these." He held out the pin for her. "May I?" He asked for permission to pin it on her. All she could do was give a slight nod. He pinned it to her pocket flap. She was so focused on the moment that she did not hear the men sneaking up behind her and given her hand claps and whistles.

All she could do was turn back to them and give a sheepish smile. The celebration quickly ended after the sound of the klaxon going off for the squad to go out for a bad back. The rest of the crew stated that they would hold dinner for them. It was a usual pain medication drive in which the person could have taken a taxi to the hospital.

When the crew arrived back, it was time for Jennifer to change out of the uniform. It was 5:00 PM and her perfect day was over. She went into the locker room and sat in front of her locker. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to go to another firehouse. This was what she imagined it would be like as a paramedic. She changed out of her uniform, but took one last glance at the pin before placing the shirt in her duffle bag. Today, she felt like she belonged and could do the job.

She stood up and heaved her duffle bag over her shoulder. She retrieved her turn out gear from the closet and entered the kitchen area to bid farewell to the crew.

"Where the hell you going?" Dennis asked.

"It's 5. My shift is over," she whispered "unfortunately."

"You're shift is over, but you can still sit down and eat with us," Jeff piped up.

She set her gear off to the side and worked on making a plate so that she could join at the table. The crew discussed some of their best rescue, family stories, and why they got into the fire service. When people started to move to clean up, she was surprised to see that it was going on 7:00 PM. The talk about families made her realize, that she probably had someone at home feeling anxious about her not being home yet.

She dug around in her duffle bag for some change to use with the payphone hanging in the kitchen. She quickly punched in her number.

It only took two rings before David picked up. "Hey," she said with guilt.

"Hey. Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I'm running late. I'm going to be leaving the station soon. I'm really sorry if I worried you."

"Tell him you love him," Dennis called out from across the room. She turned bright red.

David chuckled. He could sense her blushing. "Well are you?"

"Am I what?" She questioned.

"Going to tell me you love me." Yes, he had been worried but now that he was relieved since hearing his voice. He had to have a little fun.

She used the same technique that she used on her brother, just ignore the question. "I might stay her a few more minutes. I'll see you later."

The guys couldn't keep quiet and decided to play twenty questions about the mystery man on the phone. When they were talking about family, she spoke about her mother, father and brother, but not a love interest. She continued to stay quiet on the topic and insisted that she had to go. When she had left, it was Jeff who announced that "all the good ones are taken." Bill reminded him that he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell to be with a beautiful, smart, and caring woman.

Jennifer was eager to get home and tell David all about her day. When she got in, she threw the door open and dropped her gear in the entrance way. She started digging through her bag for her uniform shirt.

"Not more lingerie?" David asked. He couldn't read whether this was a good rush or an angry rush through the gear. When she turned to face him, he instantly saw her beaming smile. It was a good rush. She held up the shirt to her chest.

"I got a pin. It's a stork. I delivered a baby today!" She plopped down on the couch next to him. Her shift laid across her chest with the pin facing up. "Today was fantastic. I felt like I belonged. Like I was a real paramedic."

"And a firefighter too from the smells of it," he joked.

"Oh yeah, I had my first cigar. I think I could live without another cigar," she admitted.

"You choke on it?"

"I had a coughing fit. And did you know, you have to cut or bite off the bottom of it. I swear I still got some tobacco in my teeth." He could only shake his head and smile. "I'm so tired, we had so many calls today. I'm gonna shower and brush this funkiness out of my mouth. Night."

He watched her as she practically skipped to the bathroom. "It's about time they see what I see," he whispered. He got up from his seat and turned off the television. He had to be up early for shift the next morning.


	10. Chapter 10

Trigger Warning: There is sexual assault in this chapter. I will make an author's note summing up this chapter at the start of Ch. 11 who may not want the details of what happens.

Jenny was still riding the high of Wednesday's shift over at Station 18 and then another great shift at the hospital. Her body felt like it was going to burst with joy and she just wanted someone to share it with. But David was on shift. It had been a while since she had spoken to her friend, Linda, who was also a firefighter. She grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and began to dial Linda's number on the phone hanging on the wall of the kitchen.

After three rings, Linda answered the phone.

"Yo, who's this?" Linda answered. Jen stifled a chuckle. It always caught her off guard when she talked to Linda. She was usually a brash, tell-it-like-it-is type of woman. Almost a polar opposite of Jennifer.

"It's Jen. How have you been?" Jennifer piped up.

"Chica! How are you? Oh my goodness, we got called to an apartment fire last week. Let me tell you about it." Linda had a way of telling a story. Mainly her way was going around in fast circles for several minutes but her excitement grabbed hold of the listener. This story was no different. She spoke about the saves she had working on Quint 33. It was a large, bustling station out in Lancaster, California. She ended the story with, "it's terrible that there's all those people without a place to stay, but damn we did good! What have you been up to? How's your shadowing coming along?"

"Well, yesterday I go to deliver a baby over at 18s. So, that was cool. I'm hoping that 110s will be just as good," Jennifer said. Jennifer the polar opposite left it like that. She was quick to the point and a bit bashful. She wasn't the adrenaline junkie that a lot of the firefighters were, including Linda. She paused for a second trying to work out her question. "How have the guys taken to you?"

"Aww, 33's got a good group. I mean we've got a big crew so not all of them are going to like me, which they don't know what they're missing. It also helps that we have a battalion chief here. He's kind of by the books and new to the position. The guys are still trying to figure out what they can and can't get away with," she explained. "How's things been with you shadowing crews."

Jennifer explained the harassment that she had seen at most of the stations. She would hear loud whispers of how women are bitches or cunts. She felt disgusted walking into the stations. Then there was the playboys and neglige and other harassment.

Linda beamed about her playboy collection that she had developed from the gifts of her fellow firefighters during the first few weeks. She made it a point to make the men uncomfortable by reading it in the lounge area and showing naked pictures to others. She had done such a wonderful job, that they stopped wasting their money on the magazines for her. A small part of her missed the articles in the magazine.

Linda's advice was to just suck it up and give it right back. Jennifer hated hearing this advice. She wished she could be more like Linda, but she just wasn't. Maybe it was the sheltered life that her family had given her or the false hope that she could do anything she put her mind to.

"Hey, so I met some other badass firefighters. There's four other women in the department. Did you know that?" Linda asked.

Jennifer could not fathom how few women there were in the fire department. There were only six in total. It took her a moment to process, but Linda wouldn't give her much time.

"There's Barbie, I met her at the fire. It was a huge fire, let me tell you. She's on A shift too. So she tells me there's another woman on A shift and two on B. We ended up having breakfast with a girl named Caitie McCreary. We're going out for drinks tomorrow since none of us are working. You need to come out."

Jennifer wasn't a big drinker and usually reserved in big social gatherings. A small part of her needed to meet these women. To see if maybe one of them had similar personalities. Or maybe confirm that she is just different from the rest.

The next morning, she was getting ready for another day on the squad. This time she was placed at Station 110 C shift. She said a silent prayer as she walked up to the door.

She pressed the doorbell and was greeted by the Captain. "You must be Firefighter DeSoto. Welcome to the 110. I'm Captain Engle." He held out his hand and smiled.

She let out the breath that she held. It was the first time a Captain smiled at her and called her a firefighter. Usually it was, "so you're the girl?" Or just a grumble.

She grasped his hand and gave it a firm shake. "Nice to meet you, Captain Engle. Call me Jenny."

"Come on, I'll show you to the locker room so you can change." Captain Engle placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her through the station bay. A sign that said "Lady's Room" was taped near the bottom of the door. "You just hang it up high and the guys should leave you alone in here. If they don't, you let me know." He positioned the sign up to eye level, opened the door and announced that a lady was coming in. He heard no protests so he ushered her in.

To the right were three shower stalls, two sinks, and two toilet stalls. To the left were three rows of lockers. "I got you one in the back corner that you can use." He led the way to the back row and showed Jennifer her locker, which was the last one of the row tucked away in the corner.

"Thanks Captain. I really do appreciate the hospitality," she smiled as relief washed over her. She began to unpack her gear bag that held her turnouts. Since she did not have a station assigned yet, she carried her turnouts with her, until her assignment came down from headquarters, which was to be in about three weeks.

"Listen, I know that some guys don't want women in the firehouse, but I can appreciate it. Especially as someone as pretty as you." His eyes moved slowly from her head down to her feet, taking in her youthful appearance. She just smiled, unsure of how to respond. The hair on the back of her neck started to stand. A sense of unease rippled through her body. Her heart started racing and it was as if she could hear her heartbeats pounding away at her eardrums.

As he took a step closer, she took a step back. She was forced to play this dance. His one foot forward, her one step back. The coolness from the brick penetrated her shirt as her back was pressed to the wall. There was nowhere else to go. She was trapped. But still, he took another step forward. His hand slid under her shirt and to the side of her waist and worked its way up to her chest. His second hand followed to her other breast. Her heart was racing and her was throat dry. _This wasn't happening,_ she thought. After taking a moment to fondle her chest, his hands caressed her stomach as he worked his way down south. He slipped his fingers under her panties. She closed her eyes. Her heart was racing and she struggled to find her breath. She whispered "stop" or at least she thought she did. She wasn't sure if he didn't hear or didn't want to hear her request to stop. At that moment, her mind went far away from the locker room.

"Man coming in. I got to piss!" yelled one of the paramedics. It was enough to bring her back to reality. She heard quick footsteps and the opening and closing of the stall.

Captain Engle's hands quickly moved out of her panties as he tried to hide from being caught. His mouth was only an inch away from her ear. "Good to have you at the station." He gave her a quick kiss below her ear before pulling himself away from the lockers. As he walked towards the door, she let out the breath that she held.

"Goddammit, Mitchell! Respect the sign and give the girl some privacy. She's about ready to change."

Her body collapsed onto the bench in front of her locker. _I can't be here, _she thought. Then she realized maybe it wasn't just this station, but the fire department. Her thoughts were racing. _ How could I have let him do that? Why didn't I stop him? Why did I let my guard down?_ she continued to blame herself instead of the Captain.

It was a struggle to complete her shift. The paramedics had to fill out a report critiquing the paramedic trainee after shift, which would be turned in to the Captain. What they saw was a person who struggled to focus on the task at hand, especially when the whole station was called out. What they didn't know that her focus was making sure she kept a distance away from the Captain. The trainee was quiet and did not socialize or act in a team manner. But that was from her trying to build a wall up that no one else could penetrate.

Time moved slowly during her shift. Her bladder felt as if it would burst later in the day. She swore to not go into that bathroom again, except to retrieve her items before she left. At the end of her shift, she didn't even bother to change out of her uniform and instead wore it home.

When she got home, she closed the door and stood facing the door. She tried to tell herself that this was a safe space. It was going to be okay. David was surprised to see her in her uniform. "Still showing off your stork pin?" he joked.

She made no acknowledgment. She carried her bag to her room, gathered a change of clothes and brought them into the bathroom. Her usual ten-minute shower turned into a twenty-minute shower as she attempted to scrub away at every inch of her body that the Captain had touched. The water began to turn cold and it felt like ice pellets hitting her skin. With all her might, she got out of the shower. In the past twenty minutes, she was working out the best way to handle the situation. She needed to make sure that she would never be sexually assaulted at work again. She needed to protect herself, unlike what she did earlier.

When she emerged from the shower, she was now sporting lounge pants and a long sleeve shirt. She wanted to hide not only her shame but also her body. She went back to her room and grabbed a notebook and pen. She lumbered to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of beer and the bottle opener. While balancing the beers, bottle opener, the notebook, and pen she went to the dining room table and sat down. David watched her from the couch. This was a Jennifer that he had never seen before and one that he hoped he would never see again.

She popped both caps off the bottles and started guzzling the first bottle. David knew that Jennifer usually felt tipsy after a half bottle. He sat down at the table where he made a move to drink the first bottle. It was something that the two would normally do while watching a game on tv. He would have one bottle, she would work on her half bottle, and he would finish the rest of her bottle. When his hand was close to the undrunk bottle, he reached out and began drinking from the second bottle.

"Was there a bad call? What happened?" He asked again. He peered over her shoulder, as she started writing.

"Dear Captain Errickson,

I regret to inform you that I must resign from the Los Angeles County Fire Department. I appreciate the time and effort that most of the men have provided me.

Sincerely,

Jennifer"

She ripped it from the notebook and wadded it up. She tossed it to the far end of the table. It continued again and again and again. For thirty minutes she wrote, she got up and retrieved more beers, chugged them down, and wrote again and again.

Her last letter only had a few legible words and half of those were words that would make a man blush. She stumbled as she made her way to the refrigerator, but David was there to help her. He placed his hand around her waist to keep her from falling. She instantly stood at attention and pushed him away. The movement threw her off balance, causing her to bang her arm into the chair as her body fell to the ground. "Goddammit!" she yelled. She pulled her legs into her chest and began to cry.

David didn't know what to do or how to handle the situation. He sat down across from her and waited about ten minutes, even though it felt like an eternity. Soon he heard snores, she was officially out.

He stood up and bent over to pick her up. He cradled her body and carried her to her room. He placed her on her bed and grabbed a blanket to cover her with. He then grabbed the largest mixing bowl he could find to put beside her nightstand, just in case she couldn't make it to the toilet.

He stared from her doorway, checking for signs of life and wondering what happened. He made his way to the living room, where he took several moments to pace and think about what had happened. He went over to the letters and began to unravel them, hoping that some clue would pop out at him. What he found was a woman who had seen or was victim to something so horrific that she was giving up something that just months ago, she was so passionate about.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: For those that skipped over Ch. 10 the summary is Jennifer was planning on a girls' night out with other female firefighters the following night. Jennifer was sexually assaulted at Station 110, she started to shut down, drowns her pain in alcohol, and writes several resignation letters.

Author's Note: Those of you who said I've ruined the story with the last chapter, well I encourage you to stick with this. I hate to say it but I've been doing a lot of research on the subject material and unfortunately everything I'm pulling from had been a female firefighters story. I hope that you all stick with the story to see if Jennifer is like a Phoenix, rising from the ashes.

David was at a loss as to what to do. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 7:00. Still early enough to make a phone call. He found the telephone book and dialed the DeSoto residence. He said a silent prayer that one thing would turn out right-that Chris would pick up. His prayers were answered.

"DeSoto's," Chris answered.

"Chris, it's David. Can you come over?" David realized that as much as he wanted to help Jennifer, he had no idea where to begin. He hoped that after living with Jennifer for eighteen years, Chris might have some sort of idea.

Chris lowered his voice. His parents were watching a game show in the living room and Chris was in the kitchen, which was the room right next door. "What's going on?"

"I've never seen Jenny like this before? She's a mess. Whatever happened at 110s, was not good. She started drinking and writing out resignation letters."

Chris was flabbergasted at the depiction of his sister. His sister never had more than a half bottle of beer. And she was willing to throw away her relationship with her father to join the fire academy. She wouldn't quit the department for something little.

"I'll be over. Can I crash on the couch? I feel like it's going to be a long night and you're closer to Rampart anyhow." The following morning, Chris had orderly duties at Rampart.

"Yeah, that's cool. Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

"Thanks for letting me know what's going on. I'll be ready to move in in about forty minutes," despite everything going on, Chris needed his humor in crises.

Chris took the steps up to his room two by two. He quickly packed his overnight bag and announced his departure to his family. He explained he was going over to spend the night at Jennifer's as they were watching a baseball game on tv. Roy dismissed it, but Chris knew by his mother's look that she knew that something was up. It was women's intuition at work again. He could never get anything past her. He was grateful that she didn't ask any questions. But her eyes did ask plenty.

When David had hung up the phone, he was startled by the phone ringing. He figured that Chris had probably had forgotten to say something. He was surprised when it was Linda calling.

"Hey," David answered.

"Is the Chica there or did she leave already?" She took no time for pleasantries.

"What are you talking about?" His mind couldn't think of anything but Jennifer passed out in her bedroom.

"We have girls' night. I know I'm running late, but I was hoping that she could swing by my place and pick me up. I figure she's not a drinker and I was hoping she'd by my designated driver." David let out a snort at the not a drinker part. She sure turned into a drinker tonight.

"Linda, I'm sorry but she's not going to be able to make it tonight. Um, she's not feeling well. She's laying down right now." He liked Linda, but he also knew of her love for gossip. Maybe not so much gossip, but she liked to talk and things tended to slip out.

"She must be real sick then because it sounded like she was looking forward to our night out. You sure everything is okay?" She had a hunch that something wasn't right. David's voice gave away that something was up. "If it was just a bad day at work, well, we're going to be getting together to bitch and moan about the guy firefighters." She paused trying to backtrack. "Not all male firefighters are bad. You're pretty good. Listen, should I stopover? Maybe I can change her mind. I think she needs to hang out with the other women in the department."

"No, you go out and enjoy. You don't want to catch whatever she has. Plus you can tell her all about your night out."

"Alrighty Chico. Maybe I'll stop by. Not tomorrow cause I'm on shift, but maybe Sunday."

"We'll see you Sunday." David realized that if Chris and he could not talk Jennifer into staying in the program, Linda could probably do it. She might talk her ear off to the point of giving in.

In the forty minutes it took for Chris to make it over to the apartment, David had checked in on Jennifer at least a dozen times. Each view stirred up a different emotion, from helplessness to anger to worry. He would give anything for a magic wand to take away whatever pain caused Jennifer today. When Chris entered, he made a joke about kicking David out of the room and moving into his room. Usually the jokes would be met with a flash of anger from his sister, but then melt away to her goofy smirk. This tactic did not show the same result on David. He was ready for business. David explained to Chris what had happened in more detail and pulled out the letters. As Chris read each letter, his anger started to rise.

"What the hell happened? What station was she at? Was it a bad call? Did someone say something or do something?" Chris asked.

David shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "She wouldn't tell me a thing. Wouldn't even speak to me. All she did was grab a bottle from me. Downed a whole six-pack."

"She can't even handle one," Chris said. The two stood around the dining room table just staring at the crumpled up mess as if one of the pieces of paper held a magical clue. But there was none. It was the sound of a bang and several curse words directed towards Jennifer's big toe. She caught the corner of the bed. She hobbled and held on to the wall to steady herself to the bathroom. The two watched her, afraid of what could happen.

Then the sound the retching echoed through the apartment. David rushed to her side at the toilet. He helped pull her hair back. Chris was slower as he tried to think of how to play the situation. He recalled a few parties in his undergrad years when he had a few too many. A small part was amused to see his sister do something so out of character. He was torn between being serious and being the clown. He went with his default as he mosied up to the bathroom door. Jennifer was resting her cheek on the toilet seat with her eyes closed while she waited for the next heave David knelt next to her, pulling her hair out of the way.

He stood at the door, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. "You got the wrong cheek on the toilet seat." Her eyes slowly opened to see his grin. It was enough to send her into a vomiting fit. After a moment, she returned her gaze at Chris. A pang of guilt hit him as he saw tears starting to slide down her cheek. She gripped the toilet in both hands. The coolness from the porcelain felt so good at the moment. She took a few moments where her stomach found some sort of semblance of peace. Now if only her headache would go away. She slowly pushed herself up. David was quick to help her by cupping her elbow to help steady her. Once she was up, she took a moment to help the room from spinning. She took a deep breath and started to move back to her room. She pushed past Chris but made no further acknowledgment. David never left her side.

When she back into bed, David asked her again to tell him what happened. She just shook her head. She snuggled under her covers and curled up into a ball. David just stood there trying to think of something else to do. Chris glanced back and forth between David and Jennifer. Sometimes Jennifer was a pop bottle. Shaken up and under pressure. If he added a little bit more pressure, she might pop. He hoped that he would get somewhere with it.

Chris made his way over to the bed and yanked off the covers. She curled up tighter. There was no fight. He plopped down hard on the corner of her bed. He could have sworn there was a small glare before she returned curling up tighter.

"You know I just don't get it. You were willing to cut ties with dad to be a firefighter? You get through the academy. I saw Dr. Morton a couple of weeks ago and he was singing your praise. Then what one bad day at work and you're going to throw it all away. I never pictured you as a quitter," Chris announced. David only glanced at him. So, Chris was going to be the bad guy.

David went over to a small porcelain box that Jennifer had explained was her great grandmothers. It was pink with roses on it. He was careful to open it. He knew what it contained, her badge. There was a new addition-a stork pin and the note he had left in her locker. He took the stork pin and set it down to the nightstand facing her. "You know Jenny delivered a baby on Wednesday. She helped bring in life. It was like she was on a high after work. I've never seen her so happy or excited," David explained.

"What makes someone excited one day and ready to quit the next? What a bad call? Some ribbing from the guys? Huh, what? Now you want to quit."

She should have burst. Yell at them all and then tell them what had happened. That's what Chris had thought was going to happen. "I don't want to quit," she whispered. Chris had never seen this side of her. He wanted her anger. What he got was something he had never seen. Something he hoped he would never see again. His sister was broken and it killed him that he was at a loss of what to do to help her.

"If you don't want to quit, then why are you willing to make such a big decision without taking some time to think it over?" She uncurled just enough to look at David. David was trying to figure out the right words, cause he might have just got her hooked. "You do well at the hospital and you're there Monday and Tuesday. From my view, you've got four days to think it over. Whatever happened at the station, must have been bad. But you might get some good stations this week. I mean, maybe you'll get another chance to be at 51s on Wednesday and you'll get to work with me." He swore he might have the slightest smile. "I'm going to support you and care about you know matter what you decide. But why don't we sleep on it for the next couple of nights."

She couldn't argue with it. She couldn't physically or mentally handle any more arguments. "Tuesday night." They had four days to change her mind to stay in the department. "Can I get some sleep now?"

No use pushing their luck. The two ended up going to the living room and shutting her door behind them. When she heard the click of the door, she slowly reached out and took the pin in her hand. She brought it closer to get a good view. She didn't want to quit and seeing the pin was a reminder of one of the greatest days of her life. There was so much that Captain Engle had taken from her already. She wasn't sure if she was willing to give up her passion. Her fist tightened around the pin. Her eyes felt heavy and she was fast asleep.

The two sat in silence in the living room for almost thirty minutes. "I'm going to just pop my head in and check on her." David went in to see her sleeping. No pin was in sight. "Whatever happened, I'm sorry it did," he whispered. He went to his room and retrieved an extra blanket from the closet and took a pillow from his bed. When he returned to the living room, he put it the items on the couch. By this time, it was close to 11:30. He made his way to the refrigerator while Chris was changing in the bathroom. David got out an apple and sat down at the dining room table. He was missing his snacking partner.

When Chris returned to the living room, he saw David at the table. "You guys are made for each other. How the hell you talked her down, I don't know. I've always been able to find out what was wrong when she was mad just by pushing her buttons." He went to the refrigerator and called out that David was all out of beers. David could only roll his eyes. Chris rooted through the cabinets for a glass and poured himself some milk. When he was about ready to sit down with his drink at the table a knock was heard at the door.

David got out of his seat to see who would be knocking at this time of night. "I knew she wasn't really sick," Linda said as she barged in. "Is she okay? What happened? I want the whole story."

"Come on in," David said sarcastically. He stood a moment at the door trying to mentally prepare for Linda. His own breaking point was fast approaching. He sighed as he made his way to the table where Linda had already taken a seat.

"She came home upset. Started drinking and was ready to resign," David explained. "She wouldn't tell us what was going on, but I've never seen her like this."

"She was at 110s. C shift right?" David nodded, unsure of where this was going. "That son of a bitch," she flew up from her seat and began pacing. "That son of a bitch, Engle. Needs to be taught a lesson." She continued pacing, going from the living room to the dining area. The two men's eyes followed her movement.

"What is going on with the women? Full moon? That time of the month?" Chris whispered. David could only shrug.

"Can you explain why someone needs to be taught a lesson? Who needs a lesson?"

And that was when Linda was able to add another piece of the puzzle. She explained that she had dinner with four other ladies who gave her some tips. It included "don't be that woman" who tells on every little thing, men to stay away from because they've committed some sort of sexual harassment or assault, and to not bother with turning in a complaint because it comes around to bite you in the ass. She explained how a few women had quit because of one or more of these things. There were three men's names and stations that should be avoided at all costs. Captain Engle at Station 110 came up during two stories, one woman who ended up hitting him and being placed at a brushfire station to keep her quiet after she filed a complaint the other woman had resigned after he sexually assaulted her after she was placed at the station. He would ask for sexual favors and had promised an ally for training opportunities. She didn't last two weeks at the station. "When the women were talking, I remember that Jennifer had said the station she was working at and let's face it, you suck at lying David." She got no arguments from him.

Chris just sat in the chair trying to process everything. He had only seen the positives of the department. Firefighters coming over to bring food when dad was hurt, visiting the firehouse, all the good stories. It was hard to picture it in such a horrible manner. It was unfathomable.

David got up and began pacing. His hands were in fists at his sides. He began mumbling ideas of what to do. He realized that Captain Engle still had seven hours on shift. He stormed to the dish that sat on the table by the entrance that held his keys and slipped on his shoes. David and Linda looked at each other and took after him.

"David, let's think things through. What are you going to do?" Chris said. David continued down the hallway. Chris grabbed his arm. "You going down to beat him up? Let this guy take two careers away, huh? Take your advice. Let's take some time to think it through. Come up with a plan that keeps you employed and out of jail." David stopped. He couldn't help Jennifer in this situation, but he felt that he could help her now. There needed to be some retribution.


	12. Chapter 12

David stood still. His hands clenched. His thoughts were running through his mind, but there was one thought that kept popping up: him being taken out of the station in handcuffs. He was afraid of what he would do to Captain Engle if he saw him. David closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before turning around to go back to his apartment.

Linda and Chris followed quietly behind him. Before Chris entered, he had to work out in his head the change in roles. He was always the jokester and was seen as someone who wasn't too serious unless he was at the hospital. He was usually carefree, but this turned his world upside down. And for him to be the voice of reason was unheard of, almost unimaginable. That was David's job. He had never seen the fire that David had in his eyes, but he was glad that Jennifer had someone like that in her corner.

The three reconvened at the table. Linda and Chris were discussing finding replacements for their shift that would start in just mere hours. "Listen, guys, I'm off tomorrow, well actually, today. We'll be good," David replied.

"Right now, I'm a little worried about leaving you alone, Chico," Linda said. She was speaking for both her and Chris. They were concerned about what this man could do to the ones that he loves.

"Really, I'll be fine. I'm more worried about Jen." He made a glance down the hallways before shaking his head. "Listen, I'm going to bed."

"Mind if I crash here?" Linda asked.

"Sure, you take my bed. But aren't you going to need your uniform and things for shift?"

She chuckled. "Honey, I was going to the bar. I'm single, sort of. I wasn't sure where I was sleeping at tonight if you know what I mean." She smirked and gave him a wink. "But to be honest, I wasn't thinking I'd be spending the night at your apartment. I got all my stuff out in my car. I'll be right back."

David started pulling out another blanket and grabbed a pillow that sat on the couch. He made up a spot on the ground and lay down.

"David, it's your place, you should have the couch."

"No, it's all yours. Just promise me, if Linda asks you to bed, you turn it down," David advised.

"I'm glad my sister has a friend like Linda, but I don't think I could handle that _chica," _he chuckled.

As soon as Linda returned, she invited Chris to share the bed, but he said he was comfy where he was at. "I'd invite you, but Jenny's my friend and there's you and her," she said directed to David.

"We're…"

"Don't say just friends. What I saw out of you just a few minutes ago, showed me that there's more than _just friends." _Chris flipped onto his side, facing the couch. He was glad that someone else saw that. David made no arguments as he got up and turned off the lights.

Mere hours later, David had breakfast cooking and coffee made. Something the three needed. A part of him did not want his friends to leave because of the uncertainty of looking out for Jennifer. He was amazed at home these three people quickly became more of his family then his own. There wasn't much to say during breakfast and the two were already rushed. In a flash, he stood alone, cleaning up the kitchen. He looked down at his leftovers. She needed to eat.

He walked through the living room and down the hallway to her bedroom door. He gave a gentle knock.

"Yeah," she called out. It sounded as if she had been up for some time.

"Hey, there's breakfast out here. You should eat. I bring it in to you for breakfast in bed if you like," David proposed.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to get a little more sleep." This same interactions happened throughout the day as he checked on her. It was the same thing, she was fine. She didn't need anything. David tried to distract himself with the television but his mind kept wandering to all the possibilities of what could have happened to Jennifer the previous day. Each thought was worse than the last.

On his way home from work, Chris was already formulating his plan. He was going to pack his overnight bag again and head back to his sister's apartment. As soon as he arrived home, he realized his plans were about to change. His father was at work, but his mother sat in the living room on the recliner. His mother was usually busy doing something around the house or going out for groceries on Saturdays, not lounging around the house at 4:00 pm. It was deliberate. She was waiting for Chris.

"How was your day at the hospital?" It always started out with a neutral question to check in. Drop his guard a bit. He knew her playbook, but it didn't always help. She had great execution.

"It was good?" he questioned. He knew where this would go.

"You heading back to Jen's this afternoon?"

"Yeah, I was going to grab my stuff and head over now," he explained. He started walking towards the stairs, briefly thinking she was just going to let him go about his business.

"How's your sister? I'm surprised you're allowed over two days in a row," she commented. The two could pluck each other's nerves.

Deflection, that was his tactic. "Of course she'd want me there. Who doesn't want to be around my charming personality." He gave his mom a cheesy grin as he started up the first step. As he was ready to take on the second step, his mother called him down.

"We need to talk. What is wrong with Jennifer?" His heart sank. It was never any good when a woman said "we need to talk." Even if this time, it came from his mother. He back tracked down the stairs and gave a sigh. He knew he was no match for his mother.

"There's really not much to say mom." The look. It was the one look that could get him nervous. Even at twenty-four years old, he knew the potential wrath of his mother. With silence, he continued on. "She didn't really say a whole lot. We figured something bad happened on shift, but she won't tell us about it." Maybe he could get away with telling her the whole story.

"So, you spent the entire evening and night over there and she didn't say anything?" She was checking to see if he was willing to change his story.

He didn't want to tell his mother that Jennifer wasn't exactly in the best talking state. She was barely in a slurring her words state. "I spent most of the night talking with David and Linda."

"Hmm," she knew that there was more to the story, but she could respect that her brother wanted to maintain some trust between his sister and him. She decided that she should just see how Jennifer was doing herself. "You should relax for a little while. I'm going to go over and visit with Jen," it may have sounded like a suggestion, but Chris knew that it was an order.

Joanne went to her room to retrieve her shoes and purse. When she returned to the living room, she saw Chris sitting in the recliner, with his feet up while watching the television. "I'll see you later."

"Bye mom."

He waited a moment before checking the window to make sure she had left. He went to the kitchen. The least he could do was give his sister a heads up. After last night, she needed all the time to think. He dialed the number.

David picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"David, it's Chris. I'm just warning you. My mom's on the way over."

"Oh boy, I'm sure Jenny's going to love that," David's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"How's Jenny doing? I'm going to come back over when mom gets back."

"She's been holed up in her room most of the day. Won't eat. She's blaming it on the hangover. I mean it may be different for her, but I've been able to function better after a hangover."

Chris's mind wandered at the thought of David hung over. He just couldn't picture someone who seemed so responsible would have more than a beer or two.

"Listen, you don't know my mom. When's she's on a mission just watch out and get out of her way. If she asks you a question, she can tell if you're lying. It's like some super power."

David's head was spinning. He had spoken to Joanne several times, but he always had Jennifer's assistance. He was typically quiet during the interactions.

"You should come over with her," David plead. He got his answer when he heard a click and the dial tone. _I guess I should be grateful that he at least gave a heads up_, David thought. Chris tried to at least kick back and relax, because he could only imagine how irate his sister would be when he showed up this evening.

It was thirty minutes later that David heard the knock on the door. He got up from the couch and answered the door.

"Hello Mrs. DeSoto. How are you? Come in." He moved to the side and guided her in with an outstretched arm.

"Remember to call me Joanne or Jo. And can we come out to the hall? I want to speak to you without Jennifer hearing."

He followed her out to the hallway. "How is she doing?"

"I don't know. She won't talk to anyone. And after her binge yesterday, well, let's just say today hasn't been too productive."

"Any idea what happened yesterday? At the station. If there's something that Roy can do."

David shook his head, unsure of how Jennifer would want to proceed. He wasn't even sure if she would continue to be a firefighter.

"Apparently there's history of sexual assault at the station she went to yesterday. She won't say if something like that happened. But she did say that she was going to quit the department. Chris and I talked her into waiting until Tuesday night to decide that way she can at least see what shifts and stations she's working Wednesday and Friday."

Joanne tried to hide her anger, but she could feel her cheeks flush. "Thank you. Do you mind if I speak to her alone."

"Let me grab my wallet and I'll head out. Do you need anything? Should I get her anything?" He felt so useless for being able to help and protect her.

"I think we'll be good. Thank you for everything you've done." She placed a hand on his forearm as he turned to go back in.

Joanne stood in the living room until David collected his wallet and keys. She walked down the hallway and tapped on Jenny's closed door.

"I'm fine, David. I'm not hungry or thirsty. Don't worry. If I need something, I'll let you know," Jenny called out from under the covers. Joanne was thankful that Jenny had David. She just wondered when the two would find their senses and admit their feelings for each other. Joanne turned the knob.

When Jenny heard the door open, she pushed herself into a sitting position on the bed. "Mom, what are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by," Joanne gave a quick smile. She made her way to the corner of the bed.

"Let me guess, Chris talked to you. Him and his big mouth!" she spouted off. "I could just kill him."

"Seems like something's wrong, honey. I'm a little worried about you."

"I'm fine." Jennifer hoped that if she said it enough, she really would be fine.

Joanne knew better to argue with her daughter. Jennifer tended to shut down when she felt angry and she'd let it build before exploding. Then she would shut back down. She loved her daughter, but she had to remind herself that she was barely an adult. Joanne looked around the room, looking for something that could open up a discussion. There she saw it on the nightstand, a familiar looking pin. She leaned over and grabbed it off the nightstand and held it up so she could take a better look at it. It had the star of life set in the background. Front and center was a stork carrying a baby. The whole thing was silver. "Your father was so excited when he finally earned his stork pin. It took him almost two years, if I remember correctly. I remember how excited he was. He tried to take me out for a steak dinner to celebrate. There was just one problem, it was 8:00 am." She got a small chuckle from Jennifer. Joanne scooted along the bed to be closer to Jennifer. They both rested their backs against the oak headboard. "Tell me about bringing in life." She put the pin out to Jennifer. Jennifer took it and stared for a moment. A slow smile crept up on her face.

"Man, mom, I was scared. It was the first time I really got to do something. Normally I just carry things around or relay info to the hospital. I got lucky. The mom didn't want any man to see her. I thought it was kind of dumb at the moment, but I understand that now." Jennifer explained. For a brief moment, she thought about her assault and how she didn't want another man to see her. A frown came to her face.

Her mother redirected the conversation back to the happy parts. "Then what happened?"

"There was two paramedics…" she started telling her mother everything that happened from Bill giving her all the directions to celebrating with cigars to receiving the stork pin from the captain. Her smile grew with each sentence.

"You don't want to give that up do you honey?" Jennifer looked down. Her eyes closed tightly trying to stop the threat of tears. "What happened yesterday? Did someone do something to you?" Jennifer struggled to get words out and only nodded. Joanne took a small breath, she had to go down the rabbit hole. "Did he force you to do something you didn't want to do?" Another nod. Joanne put her arms around her. It was that moment that the dam burst. The tears lasted several minutes and all her mother could do was hold her. It wasn't a skinned knee that she could kiss the pain away. "Honey, I can't imagine what happened on Friday, but someone forced you to do something you didn't want to do. Please don't let him force you into something like giving up the job. This is a decision that you should want to do."

She shook her head in disagreement. "I can't have this happen again mom. I didn't do anything to stop him. I didn't yell. I…I…I didn't hit him. Kick. I…my back…to the wall." Jennifer was struggling with getting her words out. Her heart was racing. Her hands went to each other and she began to pick at her cuticles. It was the panic on top of the anxiety that she had struggled with at times. Her mother took her hands in hers and began to rub the backs of them. It was something that she did when Jennifer was younger when she was feeling anxious. It helped calm her. They sat in quiet for a few minutes until her breathing returned to normal. "You know, I know I'm more introverted. I always put my school work before those kinds of relationships. But I thought, someone touching me like that. Am I being dumb, naive? But I'd figured the guy doing those sorts of thing, well that I'd like them, care about them, maybe love them? What'd I do. I just stood there and let it happen." It started to make sense. She had lost her innocence, her power, and maybe her fight.

"Honey, it wasn't your fault. I'm sure that an investigation can be completed. He can get disciplinary actions through the department and if that doesn't work, we'll go to the police. But we should speak to you dad."

Jennifer's eyes widen in horror. She shook her head. "No. No. No. Dad, can't know." It's was bad enough that most of her family and friends knew about her _dirty little secret_. She didn't want everyone she knew and cared about to view her as a weak victim.


	13. Chapter 13

Joanne went back to soothing her daughter by rubbing her hand. "Ok, ok. How about we not talk about this right now? Let's do something we haven't done for a while. Let's do a girl's night out. We'll grab some dinner. Your choice and my treat." Joanne gave her daughter a smile.

Jenny sighed. She just wanted to lie in bed, but she knew that her mother wouldn't take no for an answer. "All right. I should probably shower though."

"Yes, please!" Joanne encouraged.

Jenny raided her closet for jeans and an oversized black t-shirt. She wanted to be comfortable, but hidden. She gathered her items and brought them to the bathroom to change into after her shower. While she was getting ready, her mother called Chris.

"DeSoto's," he answered.

"Hello, Chris. It's your mom." He knew it was her without her having to tell him. "Your sister and I are going out to eat."

"Sweet! Where are we going?" He interrupted.

"Sorry, girl's night out, kiddo. But you know your sister, she likes pizza places. Do you want me to pick up pizza for you and David?"

"Why are you asking about David? And I'm not going to turn down a pepperoni pizza. David likes pepperoni pizza too, but again, why are you asking me about him?"

"I asked to speak to Jenny alone. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling he'll be stopping by shortly. I'll see you guys in about an hour or so." They said their goodbyes.

As Chris was heading to back to his seat in the living room, he heard a knock on the door. "She's good!" He said to no one in particular. He opened the door and standing there was David.

"We have pizza coming, courtesy of my mom. The girl's are having a girl's night out." The lack of surprise that Chris had slightly taken aback David. The surprise did not go unnoticed by Chris. "Mom had a feeling that you'd be over, since she kicked you out of the apartment."

"Man, your mom is something special. I've been trying to get Jenny to come out all day, and nothing. Your mom spends what twenty minutes with her and they're going out to dinner."

"She's got some sort of superpower. But honestly, they've always been close, seeing that mom was home all the time. Now we only got about an hour or so to figure out our game plan with Jenny."

"What do you mean, game plan?" David asked. "Is there anything we really can do aside from finding Captain Engle and beating him to a pulp? I mean, we need Jenny to file a complaint or something."

"As much as I want to go after him, we can't. It'll just end badly for everyone. Doesn't stop me from imagining, though, but that's besides the point. Tell me, what stations were good to her?"

David took more time that what Chris thought was needed. There had to be a few that came to mind. She had been doing shadowing for close to two months. To kill some of that time waiting, he grabbed the grocery list pad and a pen from the kitchen and came back to the living room. "So?"

"18A was the best shift she had. Man, she was so happy on Wednesday. I'd never seen her like that. But every other station has given her some type of trouble."

Chris wrote 18A at the top of the sheet. He waited some another minute, hoping that there were more stations that he could add to the list. He looked at David, who could only answer in a shrug and a headshake. "How the hell is this possible? One station? Didn't she ride with you on a shift?" When David said nothing, Chris got angrier as he realized that one of the few stations that should have been a safe place for his sister, wasn't. How would Uncle Johnny let that kind of behavior go on in his station and to family?

It was not a proud moment at 51's, but there was nothing more that Captain Gage could have done. Especially since Jennifer refused to sign a complaint. "There were pictures in her locker and just some tasteless comments directed towards her. It was only done by one paramedic. Captain Gage had a discussion with everyone on how it wouldn't be tolerated at his station. Things got ugly. The guy ended up walking out mid shift and requested a transfer. Your dad ended up filling in for the rest of the night. He's gone, so I think you can add 51B on that list."

It made some sense. He recalled the afternoon when he was getting home from the library and his dad was heading out to cover for a sick paramedic on John's shift. He didn't realize the sickness was prejudice and bigotry.

"So, this is it? Two good stations?" Chris asked, making sure that he understood correctly. David confirmed with a head nod. "Well, this sucks. Uncle Mike gets in at the hospital around 7:00 during the week. I can stop over before classes and see if he can place Jennifer at these stations. I just wish I had more stations to give him. You sure this is it?" A quick nod. Chris could only sigh. He didn't have much to work with.

Jennifer was still as predictable as ever, picking Little Tony's Big Pizzeria for pizza. The two did not talk much, which was fine by Jennifer. She had not wanted to leave the apartment, even though she knew that she had to leave, eventually. Her mother made small talk about things that went on in the house and the honey-do list that she would always make for Roy to do. Joanne also explained that they would be dropping off pizza for the boys and that Jennifer could always spend the night with them. Jennifer politely declined. She knew that her mother had wanted an opportunity for her to speak to her father when he got off shift the following morning. Jennifer didn't want to involve him. She just wanted to be alone the next day after David left.

About an hour and a half later, the boys sat on the back patio with pizza in hand. Joanne and Jennifer had sat in the living room for several minutes before Joanne goaded Jennifer into going outside. She didn't want to see them after the embarrassment of Friday night. But her mother always had a way of getting her to do things she didn't want to do. Again, it was small talk trying to fill the void of not knowing what to say. Chris spoke about his classes and Joanne had asked how David enjoyed being a firefighter. David had loved most days. Johnny had made him feel like a welcomed member to the team and was a great mentor to him. He loved his job most days, but he always felt uneasy about sharing that joy with the group. It was just a reminder of what Jennifer might have had if she were a guy. It was something that she wanted, but it may be something that she never gets. Joanne took the hint and asked about David's family. Those answers were much shorter than the ones about the fire department. He spoke about being an only child and then deflected on how Chris and Jennifer probably had a crazy childhood. Their mother took it as a chance to tell about embarrassing stories and fights over board games, which lead to a ban on Monopoly in the house. For the briefest of moments, Jennifer wished that she could just go back to being a child. Just a year ago, she had wanted so desperately to be an adult, but it was not turning out how she imagined what adulthood could be.

The next morning, Jennifer tried to return to her normal. She got up early and fixed her and David breakfast. David had offered to take a day off and stay with Jennifer, but she insisted that he went in for work. She didn't want him to risk any black marks while he was still on his year probation. She reassured him she would be fine. She was always fine. He didn't want to leave, but he felt he had no choice.

After she finished cleaning up the breakfast mess, she lay back down. She didn't get much of a chance to relax because at 10:00 AM; the phone was ringing. She figured it was David checking up on her. It surprised her to hear "Good morning, Chica?" When she picked up.

"Hey Linda," she didn't have the energy to deal with Linda. She loved her dearly, but she just couldn't handle her today.

"Chica, we're going to lunch," it wasn't a request, it was an order. Linda had spent most of the morning contacting the other ladies in the department and could get a few to come for lunch. She wanted Jennifer to meet these incredible ladies and to see that she belonged in the department. When Linda didn't hear a response, she knew that Jennifer was trying to work out an excuse. "Listen Chica, I'm picking you up at 12:00. No excuses. There're some friends I want you to meet."

"Linda, I'm sure your friends are nice. I'm just not in the mood to meet anyone. It's been a rough few days. I just want to be by myself," Jennifer pleaded.

"I know. I was there Friday night with the other two amigos. Those boys be loco! But you're still going."

Jennifer was still clueless and was about to ask when Linda had come over cause she didn't remember seeing her, but then again, there was a lot she couldn't remember from that night. All Jennifer could hear was the dial tone. She sighed with defeat. She had no choice but to have lunch with Linda and her friends. She went to her closet and found jeans and another oversized shirt.


End file.
